


Groupchat nerds

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: ???-Freeform, Bebe the what fucker, Clyde the Pan fucker, F/F, F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Kenny basically fucks everyone, Kenny is such a tease, M/M, More tags to be added, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Possibly OOC, Slurs, Weird, creek - Freeform, i love this, i'll never run out of these ideas, oof - Freeform, some of the ships vaugue and are left for interpretation, text fic, this will update whenever, underage everything, we're all faggots here, what - freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-08 11:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 12,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12863391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: [Cartman_Rulz has started a group chat][Cartman_Rulz has changed this groupchats name to _Nerds and Cartman_][Cartman_Rulz added Kyle_The_Elf_King, Dat_Boi, Wendel_Whaat, Kenneth_McCoolkid, Butters_Stotch, Heidi_Who, and Bebe_The_Queen to this group chat]Kenneth_McCoolkid: WHOMST THE FUCKCartman_Rulz: nvrmnd[Cartman_Rulz has kicked Kenneth_McCoolkid from this group chat]Kyle_The_Elf_King: REJECTED





	1. Hmmmmm

**Author's Note:**

> henlo you STINKY BABES  
> ilu >;)))  
> I'm just gonna throw all my chapters out here whenever the fuck  
> I wrote 1500 words for this in ONE DAY  
> ffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just realized a few hours after uploading that I changed Craig's username to Angry_Space_Man instead of Angry_Space_Boy so I fixed it

<Clyde_D has made a group chat>

<Clyde_D added Craig_Fucker, Token_Is_Cooler_Than_You, and Coffee to this group chat>

<Clyde_D has changed the group chat’s name to _Clyde’s Bitches_>

Craig_Fucker: oh ffs

<Craig_Fucker left this group chat>

<Clyde_D added Craig_Fucker to this group chat>

Clyde_D: Do not leave >:((

Coffee: WHAT IS THIS

Token_Is_Cooler_Than_You: Calm down, dude

Token_Is_Cooler_Than_You: It’s just some shitty group chat

Craig_Fucker: Clyde I hate everything about you

Craig_Fucker: and the name, seriously?

<Clyde_D changed Craig_Fucker’s name to Angry_Space_Boy>

<Clyde_D took away Angry_Space_Boy’s admin controls>

Token_Is_Cooler_Than_You: REJECTED

Coffee: oof

<Clyde_D changed Token_Is_Cooler_Than_You’s name to Cash_Moneyy>

<Clyde_D took away Cash_Moneyy’s admin controls>

Angry_Space_Boy: hAH

Angry_Space_Boy: R E J E C T E D

Clyde_D: Tweek you’re okay, just don’t change their names back and don’t give them admin controls

Coffee: aaAAA THAT’S TOO MUCH PRESSURE

Angry_Space_Boy: It’s okay Tweek, we don’t hate you, it’s okay, babe

Coffee: aaa

Clyde_D: AAA MY GAY SONS

Cash_Moneyy: First of all, “Cash money”? Really??

Cash_Moneyy: Second of all, They aren’t your “Gay sons” you’re a sixteen year old boy

Clyde_D: >:((

Clyde_D: I CAN DREAM FUK U

<Coffee changed the group chat’s name from _Clyde’s Bitches_ to _Craig’s Gang_>

<Coffee took away Clyde_D’s admin controls>

Clyde_D: I TRUSTED YOU

Angry_Space_Boy: hAH

Angry_Space_Boy: THAT’S MY BOY!

Cash_Moneyy: That’s gay

Angry_Space_Boy: I’M GAY

Cash_Moneyy: We know, Craig, we know.

~

Angry_Space_Boy: why am I alive

Clyde_D: It’s 3am what the fuck are you doing up

Angry_Space_Boy: what are you doing up at 3am?

Clyde_D: touché

Cash_Moneyy: Why

Cash_Moneyy: I WAS SLEEPING PEACEFULLY

Coffee: Sure you were

Cash_Moneyy: AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP AT 3AM

Cash_Moneyy: wait nevermind

Coffee: that’s what I thought

Clyde_D: wait Tweek are you at Craig’s house?

Coffee: maybe

Clyde_D: WERE YOU GUYS FUCKIGN

Coffee: maybe

Cash_Moneyy: OH MY GOD

Cash_Moneyy: HOW IMPURE OF YOU

Angry_Space_Boy: how dare you Tweek

Angry_Space_Boy:  I  t r u s t e d  y o u

Coffee: grr

Coffee: fite me

Angry_Space_Boy: okay I will ;))))

Coffee: ;))))

<Angry_Space_Boy went offline>

<Coffee went offline>

Clyde_D: OH MY GOD

Cash_Moneyy: HOLY SHIT


	2. Anotha' one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ??? Tf  
>  might as well upload another chapter today because????? I have lots written???

<Cartman_Rulz started a group chat>

<Cartman_Rulz changed this group chat’s name to _Nerds and Cartman_>

<Cartman_Rulz added Kyle_The_Elf_King, Dat_Boi, Wendel_Whaat, Kenneth_McCoolkid, Butters_Stotch, Heidi_Who, and Bebe_The_Queen to this group chat>

Kenneth_McCoolkid: WHOMST THE FUCK

Cartman_Rulz: nvrmnd

<Cartman_Rulz kicked Kenneth_McCoolkid>

Kyle_The_Elf_King: REJECTED

Dat_Boi: why did you make this?

Cartman_Rulz: why is your username a dead meme?

Dat_Boi: touché

<Wendel_Whaat changed Dat_Boi’s name to Cutie_Patootie>

Cutie_Patootie: BETRAYED

<Kyle_The_Elf_King took away Cutie_Patootie’s admin controls>

Cutie_Patootie: DOUBLE BETRAYED

<Wendel_Whaat added Kenneth_McCoolkid to the group chat>

Kenneth_McCoolkid: WHOMSTVED

<Heidi_Who kicked Kenneth_McCoolkid from the group chat>

Butters_Stotch: Hey fellas maybe we should leave Ken alone..

Heidi_Who: stfu Butters

Butters_Stotch: oh okay sorry,,

Wendel_Whaat: BUTTERS DON’T LISTEN TO HER SHES AN ASS YOU’RE RIGHT

<Wendel_Whaat added Kenneth_McCoolkid to the group chat>

Kenneth_McCoolkid: eyyy thx

Kyle_The_Elf_King: could you guys stfu I’m trying to study

Cartman_Rulz: turn off notifications dumb jew

Kyle_The_Elf_King: fuck you Cartman

Cutie_Patootie: Heyy Wendy?

Wendel_Whaat: Yes?

Cutie_Patootie: can I use your notes from math?

Wendel_Whaat: Again? Really?

Cutie_Patootie: I WAS BUSY

Wendel_Whaat: staring at Kyle’s butt?

Cutie_Patootie: HE HAS I NICE BUTT

Kenneth_McCoolkid: I love how he didn’t even deny it

Wendel_Whaat: I agree he does have a cute butt

Wendel_Whaat: fine but only because I know the struggle

Cutie_Patootie: THANK

Cartman_Rulz: GAY

Cutie_Patootie: Your name is spelled wrong, dumbass

<Kenneth_McCoolkid changed Cartman_Rulz’s name to Daft_Cunt>

<Kenneth_McCoolkid took away Daft_Cunt’s admin controls>

Daft_Cunt: FUCK YOU

<Wendel_Whaat took away Heidi_Who’s admin controls>

Heidi_Who: FUCK

Wendel_Whaat: GOTCHA BITCH

Kenneth_McCoolkid: Heyy Butters

Butters_Stotch: Yea Ken?

Kenneth_McCoolkid: you should come overrrrr

Kenneth_McCoolkid: ;)))))

Butters_Stotch: I’ll be over in a few minutes.

Butters_Stotch: I’ll tell my dad I’m going over to study

Butters_Stotch: I can only stay till 5, though.

Kenneth_McCoolkid: that’s plenty of time ;))))

Wendel_Whaat: Ew

Heidi_Who: Ew

Daft_Cunt: Ew

Cutie_Patootie: Ew

Kyle_The_Elf_King: Ew

Kenneth_McCoolkid: yaaay ur hereee

<Kenneth_McCoolkid went offline>

<Butters_Stotch went offline>

Kyle_The_Elf_King: FEAR

Heidi_Who: DISGUST

Bebe_The_Queen: what did I miss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Daveed Diggs voice* WHAT DID I MISS?


	3. STAN IS VVV CORRECT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butters wyd

<Kenneth_McCoolkid added Angry_Space_Boy and Coffee to _Nerds and Cartman_>

Angry_Space_Boy: ?

Kenneth_McCoolkid: Me and Butters have a proposition for you..

Kyle_The_Elf_King: OH MY GOD HE’S ACTUALLY GONNA ASK

Heidi_Who: OH MY G O D

Daft_Cunt: WTF

Cutie_Patootie: Ffs Kenny has more balls than the rest of us combined

Wendel_Whaat: More like he only knows how to think with his dick

Angry_Space_Boy: Whatever it is, we’re probably not interested

Butters_Stotch: Oh gosh, Ken, don’t ask them

Kenneth_McCoolkid: you’re the one who brought it up in the first place

Heidi_Who: OH MY G O D

Kyle_The_Elf_King: THE PLOT THICKENS

Cutie_Patootie: T H I C C E N S

Butters_Stotch: aw, Ken! Don’t say that!!

Butters_Stotch: That’s so embarrassing

Angry_Space_Boy: As I said, we aren’t interested

Coffee: I’m listening..

Kenneth_McCoolkid: alright

Kenneth_McCoolkid: y’all should come over Friday and ;)))))

Angry_Space_Boy: NOPE

Coffee: hmmm

Coffee: Buy us dinner, then we’ll see

Angry_Space_Boy: NO WE WILL NOT

Coffee: Yes, It is official, I declare it

Daft_Cunt: FUCKING WHIPPED

Angry_Space_Boy: once. We will never speak of it again

Kenneth_McCoolkid: ;))))))

Coffee: ;))))

Butters_Stotch: Oh my

Angry_Space_Boy: Oh my

Heidi_Who: YOU GUYS SURE YOU AREN’T ALREADY FUCKING???

Coffee: Not yet

Kyle_The_Elf_King: this is so out of character for Tweek

Cutie_Patootie: It’s actually really funny

Wendel_Whaat: I guess Craig’s confidence has rubbed off on Tweek

Bebe_The_Queen: among other things ;))))

Heidi_Who: Tweek probs gets dicked at least 4 times a week

Kyle_The_Elf_King: Probably more tbh

Cutie_Patootie: I wish you’d dick me that often, daddy

Kyle_The_Elf_King: excUSE ME

Cutie_Patootie: OH MY GOD KENNY YOU BASTARD

Heidi_Who: I FUCKING READ THAT IN STAN’S VOICE AND I’M WHEEZIGN

Wendel_Whaat: I wish you’d dick me that often, daddy ;)))))

Heidi_Who: NEVER LET THAT DIE

Cutie_Patootie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KENNY I’M GONNA KILL YOU

Kenneth_McCoolkid: mmm choke me papi

Cutie_Patootie: I’ll get a restraining order on you

Butters_Stotch: Well as it seems Ken just can’t stop messing with everybody else..

Butters_Stotch: I’ve got some math notes that I know you didn’t take, Ken, and my dad won’t be home till 6 so you should come catch up

Kenneth_McCoolkid: alright, babe I’ll be right over ;D

Butters_Stotch:   :D

<Kenneth_McCoolkid went offline>

<Butters_Stotch went offline>

Heidi_Who: HOLY SHIT THAT’S THE MOST DIRECT THING I’VE EVER HEARD FROM BUTTERS

Kyle_The_Elf_King: the fact that he basically just said “Come dick me daddy, my parents aren’t home ;)))” both disturbs me and fascinates me

Cutie_Patootie: why the fuck does it fascinate you

Kyle_The_Elf_King: Because he’s able to basically say that without saying that

Cutie_Patootie: I’m the same way

Kyle_The_Elf_King: I BEG TO DIFFER

Wendel_Whaat: I BEG TO DIFFER

Daft_Cunt: FUCKING W H I P P E D

Bebe_The_Queen: @Coffee and @Angry_Space_Boy you guys still alive??

Coffee: I think I’m alive

Bebe_The_Queen: does that mean you got dicked or..

Coffee: I have no clue if I have a pulse

Coffee: Also no

Coffee: I haven’t been ‘dicked’ anytime recently

Daft_Cunt: I BEG TO DIFFER

Kyle_The_Elf_King: I BEG TO DIFFER

Wendel_Whaat: GIVE ME THE DETAILS

Daft_Cunt: They were fucking in the west wing boys bathroom yesterday

Coffee: no we weren’t

Angry_Space_Boy: I have nothing to say other than the fact that Butters and Kenny are fucking rn makes me very uncomfortable

Angry_Space_Boy: Also I’ve been talking with Clyde and Token and they say that you guys are a bunch of cucks

Coffee: Can confirm

Bebe_The_Queen: You guys need to film a porno

Angry_Space_Boy: What

Wendel_Whaat: What

Coffee: What

Kyle_The_Elf_King: What

Bebe_The_Queen: ? am I the only one who think that’d be massively profitable

Bebe_The_Queen: As well as hot??

Kyle_The_Elf_King: I have never wanted, nor do I ever want to see Craig naked

Cutie_Patootie: I don’t want to see them fucking

Cutie_Patootie: That’s just weird

Wendel_Whaat: That’s not what you said last night

Cutie_Patootie: Having sex with your s/o is different than /filming/ it

Cutie_Patootie: it’s completely fine to have sex

Cutie_Patootie: It’s completely fine that Craig and Tweek have sex

Cutie_Patootie: It’s completely fine if Kenny and Butters have sex

Cutie_Patootie: Fuck, It’s fine if Heidi and Cartman have sex

Cutie_Patootie: As long as I don’t have to see it in the form of a porno

Cutie_Patootie: Scratch that,

Cutie_Patootie: If I have to see it at all, that’s a different story

Cutie_Patootie: I don’t want to see my friends, or mutuals in general, have sex

Kyle_The_Elf_King: Babe you’re over complicating this..

Cutie_Patootie: So Wendy, I think it’s wrong to shame me or anyone for saying anything of the such

Wendel_Whaat: WOAH

Wendel_Whaat: THAT’S THE MOST MATURE THING I’VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY

Wendel_Whaat: GET OVER HERE YOU FRICK

Wendel_Whaat: YOU 2 @Kyle_The_Elf_King

Bebe_The_Queen: Wow Stan really just ruined the moment, huh?

Coffee: I actually have to agree with Stan on that one

Coffee: It’s cool to have sex, it’s not cool to do it in front of everybody and then shame someone for not wanting to see that

Coffee: That’s like shaming someone for thinking that rape isn’t sexy or something

Angry_Space_Boy: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ !!! ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Daft_Cunt: You guys are losers

<Daft_Cunt kicked Angry_Space_Boy and Coffee from _Nerds and Cartman_>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STAN IS VVV SMART AND WHAT HE SAYS IS VVV IMPORTANT!!


	4. A realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hhhnngg??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized this one and some of the others are short??  
> I'll start making them longer.  
> Also suggestions are welcome ;)

Clyde_D: wait what so that’s an actual thing

Clyde_D: you guys are actually gonna go out with Kenny

Coffee: I don’t think he can even afford it

Coffee: that’s why I said buy us dinner first

Coffee: if he’s that serious about it and can pay for it,

Coffee: then I think he deserves it tbh

Angry_Space_Boy: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHH

Cash_Moneyy: its like you guys swapped personalities

Clyde_D: I can’t BREATHE

Cash_Money: tHEY’RE LEGIT GOIN TO HAVE A FOURSOME AND TWEEK IS SO CALM ABOUT THIS WTFFFFF

Angry_Space_Boy: WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE A FOURSOME

Coffee: that’s exactly what we’re doing

Clyde_D: OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSDUIHNFDIjk

Cash_Moneyy: THIS IS GOING DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE MOST CALM TWEEK HAS EVER BEEN

Clyde_D: AND THE MOST DIRECT BECAUSE J E S U S

Coffee: I don’t see how this is such a big deal

Coffee: Kenny literally fucks everyone all the time

Angry_Space_Boy: ^^^^

Clyde_D: yea but It’s YOU

Cash_Moneyy: and CRAIG

Clyde_D: GOING TO FUCK K E N N Y

Cash_Moneyy: AND B U T T E R S

Coffee: idk man

Angry_Space_Boy: I hate you so much tweek

Coffee: no you don’t ;P

Angry_Space_Boy: yea you’re right I don’t

Coffee:  :D

Cash_Moneyy: FUCKING W H I P P E D

Clyde_D: WHIPPED.mp3

 

~

 

Clyde_D: soooooooooo token

Cash_Moneyy: no you cannot copy my homework and no you cannot borrow money

Clyde_D: FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	5. Style is r e a l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HHH this is too short >:((

<Wendel_Whaat changed Kyle_The_Elf_King’s name to I_Saw_You_Two_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers>

Daft_Cunt: OH MY GOD

Daft_Cunt: YOU GAY FAGGOTS

Cutie_Patootie: WE WERE NOT FUCKING

Wendel_Whaat: yes you were

Cutie_Patootie: YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE

Wendel_Whaat: I think the moaning is enough evidence

I_Saw_You_Two_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers: N O

Wendel_Whaat: Y E S

Cutie_Patootie: N  O

Heidi_Who: Holy shit

Kenneth_McCoolkid: eyyy you should’ve invited me

Wendel_Whaat: Fuck that you should’ve invited me

I_Saw_You_Two_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers: WE WERE NOT FUCKING

Bebe_The_Queen: Yes you were I saw it too

Heidi_Who: DETAILS

Bebe_The_Queen: Stan’s a power bottom

Cutie_Patootie: I AM  N O T

Wendel_Whaat: B U L L S H I T   B O I

Cutie_Patootie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Daft_Cunt: wait the jew tops

Heidi_Who: YOU OWN ME $10

Daft_Cunt: Fuck

Butters_Stotch: uh guys maybe we should leave them alone

Daft_Cunt: Shut up butters

Butters_Stotch: Well alright fellas

Kenneth_McCoolkid: >:(((

Kenneth_McCoolkid: come here babe :((((

Butters_Stotch:  :DD OMW

Kenneth_McCoolkid:  :DDD

Heidi_Who: NO BUT SERIOUSLY CARTMAN YOU OWE ME

Daft_Cunt: yea yea yea whatever

I_Saw_You_Two_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers: I fucking hate you all

Cutie_Patootie: agreed

Bebe_The_Queen: DID YOU AT LEAST USE A CONDOM

I_Saw_You_Two_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers: OH MY GOD

<I_Saw_You_Two_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers went offline>

Cutie_Patootie:  >:’((((

<Cutie_Patootie went offline>

Wendel_Whaat: dammit I wanted to join >:(((

Heidi_Who: You crave to be invited into the threesome

Heidi_Who: The threesome they’re never having

Daft_Cunt: lmao losers

Kenneth_McCoolkid: just to clarify, Butters and I are not having sex in the boys bathroom

Daft_Cunt: S U R E

Kenneth_McCoolkid: no fr we aren’t

Wendel_Whaat: I’ll believe it when I see it

Kenneth_McCoolkid: then come see it ;)))

Wendel_Whaat: N O P E

Kenneth_McCoolkid:  DDD:

 

~

 

Bebe_The_Queen: why is Butters’ hair all fucked up

Wendel_Whaat: ?

Bebe_The_Queen: like it’s super messy

Wendel_Whaat: I think when Kenny said they weren’t fucking, that was an open invitation for “who wants to join?”

Bebe_The_Queen: probs

Daft_Cunt: oh my god they’re so gross

Heidi_Who: Kenny has his arm wrapped around butters’ waist

Wendel_Whaat: tbh that’d be super cute if it weren’t for the fact they were just fucking

Bebe_The_Queen: agreed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading 3 of these because 1)this is short 2)the next one is short and 3)the next one is edgy


	6. Edgy??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oops I wrote this after failing a math test and them re-took it and got an A lmfao

Coffee: god I’m so suicidal rn

Clyde_D: omg why

Coffee: I fucking suck at school

Coffee: I’m failing all my classes and I’m probably not even going to make it to college

Cash_Moneyy: You could probably get a tutor or something

Coffee: I don’t think that would help

Cash_Moneyy: idk it helped me

Cash_Moneyy: I used to be failing too

Coffee: I don’t even know if I want to go to college

Coffee: I don’t even think it’d help me

Angry_Space_Boy: most of the shit we learn is useless in highschool it’s so unfair

Angry_Space_Boy: most of the shit we need for the real world is in college

Angry_Space_Boy: but if we can’t do the useless shit, we can never learn the important shit

Cash_Moneyy: yea the education system is shit

Coffee: I’m so fucking overwhelmed rn

Angry_Space_Boy: just take deep breaths I’ll be right over

Coffee: thank you so much

Clyde_D: god you guys are the best power couple ever

Angry_Space_Boy: mhm

Angry_Space_Boy: do you want me to bring anything?

Coffee: stripe

Angry_Space_Boy: got it

Angry_Space_Boy: omw

Cash_Moneyy: wow hes so sweet tf

Coffee: ikr I love him so much

~

Angry_Space_Boy: open your window @Coffee

Coffee:  :000

<Coffee changed Angry_Space_Boy’s name to Best_Boyfriend>

Clyde_D: Y’ALL R PRECIOUS

Cash_Moneyy: AWWWWWWW

<Best_Boyfriend went offline>

<Coffee went offline>

Clyde_D: what cuties

Cash_Moneyy: too good for this world

~

<Best_Boyfriend is online>

Clyde_D: @Best_Boyfriend how is he?

Best_Boyfriend: stressed, tired. I helped him redo the problems he missed on his math test and walked him through it the best I could

Best_Boyfriend: He fell asleep on my lap

Best_Boyfriend: hes crying in his sleep

Best_Boyfriend: hes making me cry

Cash_Moneyy: omg Craig is cryin

Cash_Moneyy: this never happens

Clyde_D: Y’ALL ARE SO  S A D

<Best_Boyfriend went offline>

Cash_Moneyy: aH MY HEART

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one is a bit longer and has some stuff that isn't group chat because YAY


	7. O O F

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaa

<Kenneth_McCoolkid is online>

<Kenneth_McCoolkid is typing>

Kenneth_McCoolkid: HHH WHERE SHOULD I TAKE CRAIG AND TWEEK

#1_Stan_Stan: uhhhhh

Cutie_Patootie: wendy’s?

I_Saw_You_Guys_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers: how much money you got??

I_Saw_You_Guys_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers: ALSO SOMEONE PLEASE CHANGE MY NAME

Kenneth_McCoolkid: uhh like $200

Kenneth_McCoolkid: though I’d like to have at least $50 left over so I can get Karen a toy for passing her math test

#1_Stan_Stan: First of all,

<#1_Stan_Stan changed I_Saw_You_Guys_Fucking_Under_The_Bleachers’s name to #2_Stan_Stan>

#2_Stan_Stan: thank you wendy

#1_Stan_Stan: second of all,

#1_Stan_Stan: take them to olive garden

Kenneth_McCoolkid: Butters doesn’t LIKE olive garden

Heidi_Who: idk man

#1_Stan_Stan: same idk any place other than olive garden that would be decent enough for Craig and Tweek

Kenneth_McCoolkid: hhhnnggg you guys are no help

<Kenneth_McCoolkid added Clyde_D to _Fags n Drags_>

Clyde_D: ?

Kenneth_McCoolkid: I’m taking Tweek and Craig out on Friday and I wanted to know a good place to take them for under $200

Clyde_D: THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY

Clyde_D: CRAIG FUCKING L O V E S THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY

Kenneth_McCoolkid: does Tweek like it??

Clyde_D: It’s not his FAVOURITE BUT HE LIKES IT A LOT

Kenneth_McCoolkid: fuck yea

Kenneth_McCoolkid: thx so much dude

Clyde_D: np

Clyde_D: don’t forget to use a condom ;))

Kenneth_McCoolkid: I won’t ;)))

<Daft_Cunt kicked Clyde_D from the group chat>

Daft_Cunt: GAY

#2_Stan_Stan: I still can’t believe Kenny is actually going to attempt to fuck Craig

Cutie_Patootie: me neither tbh

Daft_Cunt: his dick has been up almost everyones ass

Daft_Cunt: are you really that surprised?

#2_Stan_Stan: I guess not but still

#2_Stan_Stan: C R A I G

#1_Stan_Stan: mhmm ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

~

 

Coffee: OH GOD THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE WHY DID I SAY “TAKE US TO DINNER, THEN WE’LL SEE”

Coffee: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Best_Boyfriend: that’s what I’m trying to figure out

Coffee: AAAAA YOU’RE NOT HELPING

Cash_Moneyy: woah dude calm down

Best_Boyfriend: Tweek?

Coffee: WHAT???

Best_Boyfriend: Stay right where you are, I’m omw

Coffee: hhNNNGGG THANKS

Best_Boyfriend: Don’t panic, we can talk this through

~

“Tweek?” a soft knock on the currently panicked, blonde boy’s door.

“Mhm,” Tweek said, trying to calm down.

Craig slid in slowly, closing the door behind him softly.

“Baby boy, I’m going to touch you, okay? Is that okay?”

“Mhm,”

Craig puts his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder softly. He slowly works his way onto the floor next to the blonde. Craig wraps an arm around Tweek.

“What’s bothering you?”

“Hnngg”

Craig nudges the blonde slightly and holds him closer.

“I sounded to confident?? And like I wanted to fuck him or something?? What if people think that’s true?? What if HE thinks that’s true?? What if he hates me? What if you hate me?”

“Baby boy, if I hated you, would I be here comforting you?”

The shorter boy mumbles unintelligibly.

“That’s what I thought. What else?”

“hnng I’m not ready,”

“For what?”

“You know,,,” He said, embarrassed.

“Sex?”

“KNGHF- y-yeA,”

“Don’t worry. Once you let Kenny know that you’re 100% sure you don’t want to, he’ll stop nagging. He has limits, too. He’s not a sex offender or some shit,” Craig sighs. “But I understand why you’re nervous,”

“I-I,” he curses himself “Wh-,,,” he sighs, “What if you like him o-or Butters more than me- or what if I like them more than y-you,,”

“You’re the only human who’s ever made me feel mushy inside, I’m not going to leave you,” he breathes, “And if you like them more than me, then go be with them. Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy,”

“HNGK- D-DON’T SAY THAT-“

“It’s the truth,”

“HHNNGGGG,”

Craig rubbed Tweek’s back and leaned into the small boy.

“Everything is going to be fine,” he kissed Tweek’s forehead, “It was Butter’s idea anyway, so I’m sure Kenny is more doing it to make his boyfriend happy,”

“w-WHAT IF BUTTERS LIKES US MORE THAN KENNY- K-KENNY’ll KILL US!”

“No he won’t” Craig said calmly, “Kenny understands love, and he loves Butters more than anything in this world, he’d be more than happy to give him up if it meant Butters could be happy,”

“Hnnggg,”

Craig wrapped a blanket around them. He hummed softly and pet Tweek’s hair as he pulled Tweek into his chest. They laid down and Craig lulled the blonde to sleep.

~

Best_Boyfriend: everything’s okay

Best_Boyfriend: we’re going to sleep

Cash_Moneyy: Okay!! Goodnight!

Clyde_D: let him know that we won’t hate him no matter what!!!

Best_Boyfriend: I will.

<Best_Boyfriend is offline>  
Cash_Moneyy: Fuck I’d be gay for him

Clyde_D: SAME TBH

Clyde_D: HE’S SO CARING AND GENTAL???

Cash_Moneyy: A BIG FLUFF BALL

Cash_Moneyy: I LO V E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P R O B A B L Y only uploading one chapter tomorrow because it's long and the chapter after that needs to be redone ;P  
> Next chapter is as one of the commenters called "The foursome" but no sex on my christian minecraft server grr >:((((((  
> <3


	8. "The foursome" (No sex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ???  
>  They're cute I'm soz
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: 12/13/2017  
> SO THERE WAS A PART THAT WAS ??  
> IT DIDN'T BELONG IN THIS STORY SO IT WAS REMOVED  
> SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T UPLOAD THIS SOONER??  
> I WAS REWRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER AND I FELL ASLEEP???  
> AND SLEPT ALL FUCKING DAY RIP
> 
> ALSO HAHA THE BEGINNING IS BASED OFF ME AND A FRIEND SCREAMING ABOUT NICOLE DOLLANGANGER (wHO WROTE THE LIL SONG THINGY THAT THEY TYPE) :000

Coffee: all the pets I’ve buried

Coffee: just wanted me to know

Coffee: sometimes it’s okay to let a

Gay_For_Space: good thing go

Coffee: wrap you in yarn and grass

Coffee: embalm you in milk

Coffee: and lay you to rest in

Gay_For_Space: cardboard lined with silk

Coffee: WILD FIRES HAVE BEEN EATING YOU INSIDE MY HEAD

Gay_For_Space: TRYIN TO SMOKE YOU OUT OR BURN YOU ALIVE IN THIS

Coffee: THIS TIME PLEASE JUST STAY D E A D

Cash_Moneyy: wha

Clyde_D: WOAH  E  D  G  Y

Coffee: NICOLE DOLLANGANGER AAA

Gay_For_Space: AAAA

Clyde_D:  confusion

 

~

 

<Coffee gave all members admin controls>

Clyde_D: yus

<Clyde_D changed his name to Tiddy_Lord>

Coffee: I have regrets

 

~

 

Coffee: wait Craig

Gay_For_Space: yeet?

<Cash_Moneyy changed their name to Yeet>

Coffee: the date is tonight aAA

Gay_For_Space: mhm

Coffee: aaa

Gay_For_Space: aaa

Yeet: you guys worry me

Tiddy_Lord: mhm ^^^^

 

~

 

Tiddy_Lord: how’s the date???

Coffee: CRAIG AND KENNY ARE FLIRTING

Coffee: LIKE ACTUALLY F L I R T I N G

Coffee: me and Butters keep looking at each other like “woah tf”

Coffee: AAA???

Tiddy_Lord: holy shit

Yeet: omg

Yeet: wowza

Coffee: it’s really cute??

Coffee: like he’s flirting with Kenny the way he flirts with me??

Yeet: ?

Coffee: he’s making Kenny blush omg

Tiddy_Lord: woah

Tiddy_Lord: that’s something you don’t hear or see everyday

Coffee: Butters and Kenny are actually wearing pretty nice clothes too??

Coffee: they look rather dashing

Yeet: awe

Tiddy_Lord: you guys aren’t falling in love or something, right?

Coffee: naw

Coffee: But I think Craig is in heaven rn

Coffee: one think I’ve learned about Craig is that he’s weak for blondes

Coffee: So he’s fuckin drowning rn

Tiddy_Lord: lucky bastard

Yeet: that actually makes a lot of sense

Yeet: the blonde thing, I mean.

Coffee: Butters and I are gushing at our cute boyfriends blushing

Coffee: aaa

Coffee: I never realized how nice Butters is to be around???

Tiddy_Lord: yea he’s real sweet

Tiddy_Lord: I’m surprised you haven’t hung out with him more

Coffee: OMG

Coffee: FUCK

Yeet: ??!???

Coffee: KENNY JUST CALLED BUTTERS “LEO” AND HE’S HIDING HIS BLUSH IN HIS HANDS OMG

Tiddy_Lord: “LEO” OMG

Yeet: OMG

Coffee: OMG

Coffee: TOO GOOD TOO PURE

Yeet: THAT IS SO PRECIOUS

Tiddy_Lord: I wonder if that’s what he gets called in bed

Yeet: YOU RUINED THE MOMENT

Tiddy_Lord: oops

 

~

 

Gay_For_Space: “LEO” AAA

Yeet: AAA

Tiddy_Lord: AAAA

Coffee: AAA

 

~

 

Coffee: omg Craig is o u t

Yeet: woah

Tiddy_Lord: usually you fall asleep first

Coffee: ikr

Coffee: Him and Butters passed tf out on Kenny’s bed

Coffee: now him and I are chatting

Coffee: omg

<Coffee added Kenneth_McCoolkid and Butters_Stotch>

<Coffee turned on history>

<Coffee changed Kenneth_McCoolkid’s name to No_Homo>

No_Homo: full homo

Coffee: >:((((

No_Homo: half homo?

Coffee: >:((

No_Homo: No homo?

Coffee:  :D

Coffee: your bf is real sweet

No_Homo:  ;00

Tiddy_Lord: idek how he’s still pure

Tiddy_Lord: He’s been with Kenny for, like, what?

Tiddy_Lord: Almost a year?

No_Homo: One year in February

Yeet: awe

No_Homo: also same idk how he’s still p u r e

No_Homo: I mean, at least outside of the bed,,,

Tiddy_Lord: TMI

No_Homo:  ;)

Yeet: D I S G U S T

No_Homo: ;DD

Coffee: soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Coffee: what should we do, Kenny??

No_Homo: uhh we could play a boardgame?

No_Homo: or talk about our cute BFs

Coffee: Talk about our cuties

No_Homo: Y E E T

<Coffee made a private groupchat>

<Coffee invited No_Homo>

<No_Homo joined the private group chat>

Coffee: Craig has a thing for blondes

No_Homo: :00000

Coffee: mhm he was surrounded in hotties all night

No_Homo: omgomg his arm is around Butters’ waist

Coffee: :0000000

No_Homo: low key jealous

Coffee: same ugh

No_Homo: I have an idea

No_Homo: let’s c u d d l e

Coffee: OWO

No_Homo: UwU

Coffee: UWU

..

Coffee: do not touch my dick

No_Homo: oops

Coffee: ònó

No_Homo: OnO

 

~

 

Coffee: oops I fell asleep

<Coffee added Butters_Stotch and Gay_For_Space to this private groupchat>

<Coffee changed Butter_Stotch’s name to Leo>

<Coffee changed Gay_For_Space’s name to Gay_For_Blondes>

No_Homo: henlo

Leo: aw hamburgers

Leo: that’s embarrassin

No_Homo: but L E O

Coffee: L E O

Gay_For_Blondes: L E O

Leo: aaa

Leo: you guys are too much >~>

No_Homo: <3

<No_Homo changed his name to Full_Homo>

Full_Homo: ilu Leo <33

Leo: >///U///<

Leo: <333

Gay_For_Blondes: IT’S ILLEGAL TO BE THAT CUTE

Coffee: I AGREE

Full_Homo: I AGREE

~

Full_Homo: OWU

Leo:  :00

Gay_For_Blondes:  :00

Gay_For_Space: tbh I’m down

Gay_For_Space: not rn but eventually

Full_Homo: OWO

Leo: O//u//O

Coffee: mhm ;)))

 

~

 

Yeet: SO?????

Tiddy_Lord: ???!!??

Coffee: ?

Yeet: are y’all gonna have a huge orgy????

Coffee: hahaha

Coffee: no

Coffee: not today

Gay_For_Blondes: mayybbeeee eventually

Tiddy_Lord: G A Y

Gay_For_Blondes:  3:<

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter on Monday ;D


	9. ???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAA I DIDN'T MEAN TO NOT UPDATE THIS FOR 3 DAYS  
> I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY I'M SO SORRY  
> AAAA PLEASE DON'T KILL ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this seems hella short and random soz???  
> gay nerds are weird and high

Daft_Cunt: why are you guys all fucking all the time

#1_Stan_Stan: Because we have sex lifes?

Bebe_The_Queen: because literally no one would fuck you

Heidi_Who: hey not true >:((

Daft_Cunt: heheheh

Cutie_Patootie: yea Heidi will probs be the only one who will ever fuck you

#2_Stan_Stan: ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Full_Homo: hnngg

#1_Stan_Stan: ?

Full_Homo: reEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Leo: Ken, chill

#2_Stan_Stan: who the frick is Leo

Full_Homo: NO SWEARING ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER

Leo: Aaurgh

Full_Homo: ;)))

Leo: ;PPP

Full_Homo: <33

Leo: <33

#2_Stan_Stan: OH THAT’S WHO THE FRICK LEO IS

Full_Homo: NO SWEARING ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER

<#2_Stan_Stan changed Full_Homo’s name to Absolute_Idiot>

Absolute_Idiot: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whomst the fuck ready to pull the fuck up?

Leo: I’m disowning you

Absolute_Idiot:  :’0000

#1_Stan_Stan: OH DAMN

Leo: >:D

Absolute_Idiot: nuuuuu

Leo: >:DD professor chaos will pREVAIL

Absolute_Idiot: fRICK

Daft_Cunt: I stg we will not start that super hero thing again

Absolute_Idiot: WE SHOULD

Daft_Cunt: N O

#1_Stan_Stan: you’re just mad bcuz urs was a furry

Daft_Cunt: N O

#1_Stan_Stan: Y E S

Absolute_Idiot: hAAHAHH

Daft_Cunt: SHUT UP KENNY

#2_Stan_Stan: fml I can HEAR that

#2_Stan_Stan: I fucking read it in his voice and I want 2 die

#1_Stan_Stan: R I P

#1_Stan_Stan: git gud bitch

#2_Stan_Stan: >:((((

..

Daft_Cunt: why the FUCK Is Kenny actually doing this-

#2_Stan_Stan: ?

Daft_Cunt: he’s fucking dressed up

#1_Stan_Stan: how the fuck does that thing still fit him

Absolute_Idiot: Douchebag knows how to sew

Daft_Cunt: oh yea I forgot he existed

Absolute_Idiot: he fixed the costume and now I’m cool again BD

Daft_Cunt: you’re a huge loser

Absolute_Idiot: <33

<Daft_Cunt kicked Absolute_Idiot from this groupchat>

#2_Stan_Stan: oof

#1_Stan_Stan: rip Kenny

<Leo added Absolute_Idiot to this groupchat>

<Leo took away Daft_Cunt’s admin controls>

<Leo changed Absolute_Idiot’s name to Lovely_Boy>

Lovely_Boy: Awe <3

Leo: <33

#1_Stan_Stan: AAA MY HEART

Daft_Cunt: asshole

<#1_Stan_Stan kicked Daft_Cunt from this groupchat>

#2_Stan_Stan: Y E S

 

~

 

Cutie_Patootie: do you ever get so emotionally invested in something, and then fuckin b r e a k when it ends

#2_Stan_Stan: ?

Cutie_Patootie: like when you invest all your emotion and will to live in a TV show and it ends

Cutie_Patootie: bcuz I’m fucking c r u s h e d

#1_Stan_Stan: OMG

#1_Stan_Stan: get over here so I can h u g you >:((((

#2_Stan_Stan: ME TOO TF

Lovely_Boy: wowza

Leo: they’re so cute

Lovely_Boy: I love their dynamic

Lovely_Boy: it’s so pure and makes me so happy

Lovely_Boy: frick

Lovely_Boy: get over here @Leo so we can s n u g g l e >:33333

Leo: Yisssssss

Bebe_The_Queen: everyone here is so gay

Heidi_Who: it’s kind of disgusting tbh

Bebe_The_Queen:  >:00

Bebe_The_Queen: Frick you

Lovely_Boy: I love him so much aagh

Leo:  :’))

Lovely_Boy: <33333

Leo: <33333

Heidi_Who: G A YYYY

<Bebe_The_Queen kicked Heidi_Who from this groupchat>

Bebe_The_Queen: bigotry is unacceptable >>:(((

#1_Stan_Stan: UNACCEPTAAAABBBBBLLLEEE

 

~

 

#2_Stan_Stan: FOOND

#2_Stan_Stan: I REQUIRE FOOOND

Cutie_Patootie: Here his your stek with no vegetal as you ordered, sir

#2_Stan_Stan: ah yes, this is Cool and GOOD

Cutie_Patootie: (Did someone say NO VEGETAL? Z O O M)

#2_Stan_Stan: I taste a vegetal

#2_Stan_Stan: A N G E R Y

Bebe_The_Queen: @#1_Stan_Stan u really need to keep ur boys from smoking weed smh

#1_Stan_Stan: frik u it’s not my fault

#2_Stan_Stan: A N G E R E Y

Bebe_The_Queen: I have fear

Cutie_Patootie: A N G E R E Y

 

~

 

#2_Stan_Stan: bRUH

#2_Stan_Stan: what the f u c k is Kenny doing

Cutie_Patootie: I have no clue but this is so funny

#2_Stan_Stan: I think he’s gonna get himself killed

Cutie_Patootie: yea, by Butters

#2_Stan_Stan: yea probly

Bebe_The_Queen: THIS IS WHY YOU GUYS SHOULDN’T SMOKE WEED

Bebe_The_Queen: OH MY G O D

Cutie_Patootie: we are disappointing our parents

#1_Stan_Stan: I’m putting that on my resume tf

Cutie_Patootie: same tf

Bebe_The_Queen: god give me strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ??
> 
> next chapter is full of Craig being really edgy


	10. Bebe gets hacked ft. lots of edgy Craig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ??  
>  I wrote this while in a car at 9pm, blasting Danger Days while my mom struggled through me being edgy about the music

Cutie_Patootie: wait is cartman even in this chat anymore

Bebe_The_Queen: I don’t think so lmao

#2_Stan_Stan: good tbh I hate him so much

#1_Stan_Stan: don’t we all

Cutie_Patootie: ^^^^^

 

~

 

<Bebe_The_Queen added Heidi_Who and Daft_Cunt to this groupchat>

<Bebe_The_Queen changed Daft_Cunt’s name to Cartmans_Back_Baby>

Cartmans_Back_Baby: awe

<Cartmans_Back_Baby took away Bebe_The_Queen’s admin controls>

Heidi_Who: fuck yeet

#1_Stan_Stan: HACKED

#2_Stan_Stan: fucking rip

Bebe_The_Queen: FUCKK

Bebe_The_Queen: GOD DAMMIT CARTMAN

Bebe_The_Queen: HE STOLE MY P H O N E AAAAA

Cartmans_Back_Baby: >:P

<Cartmans_Back_Baby changed #2_Stan_Stan’s name to Filthy_Jew>

Filthy_Jew: oh god dammit

Filthy_Jew: fuck you fatass

Cartmans_Back_Baby: I’m not fat I’m just big boned you cuck

Filthy_Jew: whatever

Filthy_Jew: Wendy? We still on for homework? I need your notes

#1_Stan_Stan: oh jesus Christ

#1_Stan_Stan: I stg

Filthy_Jew: soz

#1_Stan_Stan: you’re lucky your cute

Filthy_Jew: :DD

<Lovely_Boy changed his name to Ken_Bone>

Ken_Bone: WHOMSTVE

Cutie_Patootie: dead meme alert

Filthy_Jew: WEE WOO WEE WOO

#1_Stan_Stan: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Ken_Bone: WHOMSTVE FINNA BUST A NUT

Ken_Bone: IT’S DESTROY DICK DECEMBER

#1_Stan_Stan: a moment of silence for Butters

Filthy_Jew: rip Butters ass

Cutie_Patootie: R I P

 

~

 

 

Space_Boy: NANANANANANANANANA

Tweekers: NANANANANANANANAN

Space_Boy: NANANANANANANANANANANA

Toke: why

Clyyyyyyy_De: nanana??

Clyyyyyyy_De: I do not understand

Space_Boy: NANANANANANNANAANANAAAAA

Tweekers: god ur too emo for ur own good

Clyyyyyyy_De: it’s you're not ur

Tweekers: stfu

Toke: OH DAMN

Toke: YOU GOT TOLD

Space_Boy: I LOVE DANGER DAYS SO MUCH AAAA

Tweekers: wha

Toke: god he is too emo

Space_Boy: I WANT A PARTY POISON JACKET SO B A D TF

Tweekers: they’re so expensive

Space_Boy: I knowww fajsidknadszoink

Toke: rip

Clyyyyyy_De: fuckin rip Tweek for having to put up with that emo shit

Space_Boy: AAARRGHGHGGHGGH

Toke: you guys scare me

 

~

 

Space_Boy: RUN RUN BONNIE RUN

Space_Boy: RUN RUN BONNIE R U N

Space_Boy: EVERYBODY HIDE

Space_Boy: AAAAAAADFSADSNKASZD

Toke: you need help my man

 

~

 

Tweekers: oh my god he’s fucking sobbing

Toke: what

Clyyyyyy_De: what

Tweekers: craig is fuckin listening to danger days and s o b b i n g

Clyyyyyy_De: jesus Christ

Toke: is he okay-

Tweekers: tbh probably not

Clyyyyyy_De: and you guys call me a crybaby

<Toke changed Clyyyyyy_De’s name to Filthy_Virgin>

Filthy_Virgin: oof

Filthy_Virgin: betrayed

Tweekers: oH GOD

Tweekers: DESTROYA IS PLAYING OH SHIT

Space_Boy: YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD

Space_Boy: I DON’T BELIEVE IN LUCK

Space_Boy: THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN US

Space_Boy: BUT I BELIEVE IN THE ENEMY

Space_Boy: AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AHH

Tweekers: jesus

Space_Boy: DESTROYA DESTROYA DESTROYA DESTROYA

Space_Boy: YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD

Space_Boy:  I DON’T BELIEVE IN LOVE

Space_Boy: YOU DON’T BELIEV IN US BUT I BEILIEV IN THE ENEMY

Space_Boy: DESTROYA DESTROYA DESTROYA DESTROYA

Space_Boy: DESTROYAAAAAA

Tweekers: jesus fucking Christ

<Spcae_Boy went offline>

Tweekers: kids from yesterday started playing and now he’s having a meltdown I gtg jesus fuck

<Tweekers went offline>

Toke: that boy scares me

Filthy_Virgin: I’m fucking confused

 

~

 

Tweekers: he’s dead to the world

Tweekers: he’s gonna have a huge headache tomorrow

Tweekers: cane you guys take notes for us pleeeaasssee

Tweekers: I need to help him out

Toke: you owe me

Filthy_Virgin: mhm

Filthy_Virgin: you can start by changing my name

<Tweekers changed Filthy_Virgin’s name to Clyde_hhng>

Clyde_hhng: that’s better

Toke: oof

Toke: you owe me ice cream

Tweekers: okay thx y’all

Tweekers: he’s fuckin miserable

Tweekers: poor thing

 

~

 

Space_Boy: oh god my head hurts like a motherfucker

Toke: have fun staying home

Toke: we have an assembly today

Space_Boy: yuck

Toke: mhm

Toke: gtg

<Toke went offline>

Space_Boy: I feel like I got my sinuses hit with a frying pan

Tweekers: awe babe :(((

Tweekers: let me get you some asprin

Space_Boy: thanks omg

Space_Boy: come here and cuddle me omg ilu so much tf

Tweekers: <33

Tweekers: you gonna be okay sweetheart?

Space_Boy: yea <333

Clyde_hhng: you guys are too good and pure

Tweekers: now kiss me you heck >:((

Space_Boy: then get your cute butt over here

Tweekers: :33

Clyde_hhng: use a condom please

Space_Boy: we will ;))

Clyde_hhng: oh jesus

<Clyde_hhng went offline>

Tweekers: ;333

Tweekers: frick me you frick

Space_Boy: with pleasure

 

 

 

~

 

 

Filthy_Jew: has anyone seen Tweek and Craig

Cutie_Patootie: craig had a headache so Tweek is taking care of him or some shit

#1_Stan_Stan: so they’re fucking?

Cutie_Patootie: yes they’re probably fucking

Flithy_Jew: we should be like them ;))

#1_Stan_Stan: ;))

Cutie_Patootie: ;))

<Cutie_Patootie went offline>

Cartmans_Back_Baby: oh jesus

<Filthy_Jew went offline>

<#1_Stan_Stan went offline>

Heidi_Who: so they’re fucking because Tweek and Craig are fucking?

Cartmans_Back_Baby: yea

Heidi_Who: ew tf

Cartmans_Back_Baby: yea

Cartmans_Back_Baby: you should help me with my homework after school

Heidi_Who: yea sure

Bebe_The_Queen: wtf is wrong with all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ??  
>  I'll probably write the next few chapters tomorrow and saturday night when I'm not busy working on math  
> I'll hopefully upload the next chapter on monday ;)


	11. High sleepover P.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ???  
>  I had to split this up into two because my internet is about to cut out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really high rn this is so fun to write

Filthy_Jew: FRIDAYYYY

Cutie_Patootie: YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY

Ken_Bone: SLEEPOVERRRRR

Cartmans_Back_Baby: YEEEEEEET BITCHES

Filthy_Jew: HHNNGGGGGG

Heidi_Who: wait what

Ken_Bone: We’re having a sleepover at Token’s BDD

Filthy_Jew: no girls allowed grr

Heidi_Who: oh don’t worry

#1_Stan_Stan: we aren’t missing out on anything worthwhile

Heidi_Who: we aren’t interested in your sausage fest, sweaty B-))))

#1_Stan_Stan: we’re having a sleepover no boys allowed grrr

Heidi_Who: BDDDDD

Bebe_The_Queen: FUCK YIIISSSSSSS

Bebe_The_Queen: BOY TALK BOY TALK BOY TALK

Heidi_Who: MAKE OVERS MAKE OVERS MAKE OVERS

#1_Stan_Stan: AAAAAAggghgiudafhguhaedjk

#1_Stan_Stan: girls are the best tf

Cutie_Patootie: whateverrrrrrrrr

 

<Ken_Bone made a groupchat>

<Ken_Bone added Cartmans_Back_Baby, Cutie_Patootie, Filthy_Jew, Toke, Space_Boy, Coffee_Bean, Clyde_hhng, and Jim_Jams to this groupchat>

Ken_Bone: hhhEEEYYY WHAT’S UP GUYS, SCARCE HERE

<Ken_Bone changed the groupchat name to _Sleepover of death_>

Filthy_Jew: what the frick

Jim_Jams: how dare you swear on Kenny’s Christian roblox server

Filthy_Jew: F R I C C

Clyde_hhng: F R I N K

Toke: Is it too late to cancel because jesus Christ you guys are cringy

Space_Boy: funk you token

Coffee_Bean: yall

Filthy_Jew: yall

Cutie_Patootie: YALL’STVED

Jim_Jams: the amount of swears on this server makes me angery

Coffee_Bean: a n g e r y

Clyde_hhng: we haven’t even introduced the weed into our system yet tf

Jim_Jams: there’s weed?

Ken_Bone: Y I S

Jim_Jams: sick dude

Clyde_hhng: ikr I haven’t had weed in like 4 months ughghghghg

 

~

 

Clyde_hhng: tHE W A V E

Space_Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ken_Bone: dude you guys are like a bunch of little kids

Toke: such small children we are

Jim_Jams: this is far too entertaining

Cartmans_Back_Baby: WHAT THE FUCK IS TWEEK DOING

Filthy_Jew: idek man

Cutie_Patootie: he’s fuckgn runnin around laughing like he just got away with murder

Filthy_Jew: I CAN’T  B R E A T H E

Space_Boy: wHY THE FUCK IS MY BF JUMPIN LIKE HES REACHING FOR BUTTERFLIES

Cutie_Patootie: this is the most out of character and ???? hilarious thing I’ve seen in a while

Space_Boy: aaaaaaAAAA

Space_Boy: I’m gettin the tummy feel

Cutie_Patootie: I don’t even wanna know-

Filthy_Jew: WHAT THE F U C K

 

~

 

Filthy_Jew: aaAAAAAAAAAAA cartmAN

Cutie_Patootie: bruh tf

Filthy_Jew: HE FILLED MY HAT WITH MAYO

Toke: y’all wildin

Cartmans_Back_Baby: SUFFER J E W

Space_Boy: I HAVE F A L L E N

Filthy_Jew: FUCK YOU FATASS AASDHUIFDASUNA,MAWEDSJINDFSOJFJOFASJOIADSHIEWFN

Toke: tf happened to creg

Space_Boy: I fell down the stairs akwdjfoishionj

Toke: what

Space_Boy: I SAID I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS

Space_Boy: oh wait you can’t hear this

Space_Boy: hahaahah

Toke: you wildin man

Cutie_Patootie: I walk away from my phone for one second and it is smeared in mayo

Filthy_Jew: KENNY WH Y

Filthy_Jew: WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME M A N

Ken_Bone: wHOMST <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoCcDi8zH8M>

Ken_Bone: WATCHING SURREAL MEMES WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA

Ken_Bone: I FEEL LIKE <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwmeH6Rnj2E> RN AJIOASDNKFfjd

Toke: yall wildin

Space_Boy: TWEEK FUCKING POURED COFFEE ONTO THE FLOOR BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE WAS POURING IT INTO A MUG

Space_Boy: A MUG THAT DOESN’T EXIST

Cartmans_Back_Baby: CAN CONFIRM

Clyde_hhng: DID YOU JUST SEE THAT SHIT

Clyde_hnng: KENNY JUST FUCKIGN BACKFLIPPED

Clyde_hhng: THE SCREAM THAT CAME OUT OF BUTTERS

Toke: BRUH THEY WILDIN

Toke: THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS

Clyde_hhng: IT WAS SO HIGH PITCHED

Space_Boy: TWEEK IS LAUGHING AND IDEK WHY

Jim_Jams: HWAT JUST HAPPENED

Jim_Jams: Kyle jumped off the couch and is now asleep on the floor

Jim_Jams: THE FUCK

Cutie_Patootie: I THINK HE FUCKIGN BROKE A TOOTH

Jim_Jams: I HAVE FEAR

Cutie_Patootie: NOPE THAT’S JUST FUCKIGN POPCORN

Clyde_hhng: BRUH HE GOT NO CHILL

Space_Jams: TWEEK JUST FUCKGIN SMASHED HIMSELF INTO A WALL WHILE SLIDING THROUGH THE HALLWAYS IN HIS SOCKS

Space_Jam: WHATA ERFASDJKNDAS

Jim_Jams: I am hiding

Jim_Jams: this is absolutely terrifying

Ken_Bone: I JUST TOOK SIX BONG HITS AND I’M PRETTY SURE I’VE TRANSENDED INTO A DIFFERRENT DEMENSION

Ken_Bone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ?? p.2 should be up first thing tomorrow


	12. High sleepover P.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HHHNNGGG???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting high and watching vines at 2am makes shit like this possible

Ken_Bone: I’M SO HUNGRY

Ken_Bone: NOMF

Ken_Bone: I C E  C RE A M

Jim_Jams: this shit tastes so good tf

Jim_Jams: I don’t even really like ice cream

Cartmans_Back_Baby: HOW CAN YOU N O T LIKE ICE CREAM

Jim_Jams: Its too cold

Jim_Jams: it hurts my teeth :((

Ken_Bone: rip all my respect for jimmy

Jim_Jams: I feel h u r t

Space_Boy: I FEEL THE MUNCHIES

Space_Boy: AND TWEEK FALLING ASLEEP ON ME

Space_Boy: PASS THE MOTHER FUCKIN ICE CREAM AND THE BLUNT STAN

Cutie_Patootie: FUCK YOU MY VINES LOOK GR8 RN

Space_Boy: YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Cutie_Patootie: AAAA I HAVE BEEN ATTACKED

Ken_Bone: PASS THE BLUNT MOTHERFUCKR

Space_Boy: WAIT YOUR TURN

Filthy_Jew: I   A W A K E N

Cutie_Patootie: HELP I’M BEING ATTACKED

Ken_Bone: WHOMSTVED

Filthy_Jew: I HAVE A COMPLAINT

Toke: uhhhhhhhhhh

Filthy_Jew: THERE IS FAR TOO MANY M&MS IN THIS TRAIL MIX

Filthy_Jew: NOT ENOUGH PEANUTS

Filthy_Jew: THIS IS DISPICABLE

Toke: I have n o control over that my man

Toke: you better hit up that complaint with god

Filthy_Jew: I PLAN TO RIGHT A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER ABOUT MY DISSAPOINTMENT

Toke: yea uhuh man

Cartmans_Back_Baby: WE SHOULD PLAY NEVER HAVE I EVER

Cutie_Patootie: Y E S

Ken_Bone: NO

Ken_Bone: STRIP POKER

Filthy_Jew: NO NEVER AGAIN AAAAAAa

Cutie_Patootie: N E V E R  A G A I N

Ken_Bone:  :(((((

 

~

 

Ken_Bone: I regret everything

Leo: I don’t  ;)))

Ken_Bone: :00

Ken_Bone: ;)))

Filthy_Jew: ewwwwwwwwwwww

Toke: AW GROSS MAN YOU DIDN’T FUCK IN MY BED DID YOU

Ken_Bone: Guest bathroom ;0

Toke: oh thank god

Space_Boy: Stan is asleep rn and I want to kick him

Filthy_Jew: w h y

Space_Boy: he looks peaceful and content in that cute way that people get???

Space_Boy: it makes me hate him so much???

Cartmans_Back_Baby: H I T  H I M

Coffee_Bean: BAD IDEA

Coffee_Bean: NON DO NOT

Filthy_Jew: ho don’t do this

Filthy_Jew: OH MY GAWD

 

~

 

Coffee_Bean: wait is it cilarenda or cinderella

Space_Boy: what

 

~

 

Ken_Bone: you got 69 sense you know what that means

Clyde_hhng: I don’t got enough money for chicken nuggets

Cartmans_Back_Baby: someone just screamed and Kyle is fuckign wheezing what the fuck

 

~

 

Clyde_hhng: what up I’m jared I’m nineteen and I never fucking learned how to read

Toke: we know, clyde, we know

 

~

 

Cutie_Patootie: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE NO WHAT’D YOU SAY WHAT THE FUCK DUDE STEP THE FUCK UP KYLE

Filthy_Jew: hhNNGGGGGG

 

~

 

Coffee_Bean: wHEn wILL yOu lEaRn

Coffee_Bean: whEn wiLl yOU learn

Coffee_Bean: THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

Space_Boy: bruh

Jim_Jams: consequences doesn’t even look like a word

Toke: bruh we tripin

Cutie_Patootie: hella

 

~

 

Jim_Jams: THIS JUST IN:

Jim_Jams: CLYDE’S FIRST CRUSH WAS ON KERMIT THE FROG

Clyde_hhng: NO IT WASN’T

Space_Boy: YOU SAID IT YOURSELF

Space_Boy: AIN’T NOBODY SAVIN YOU

Clyde_hhng: aaAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

~

 

Clyde_hhng: TWO SHOTS OF VODKA

Toke: THAT’S MUCH MORE THAN TWO SHOTS

 

~

Filthy_Jew: PEAL THE AVOCADO

Filthy_Jew: GUACAMOLE GUACAMOLE GUA-GUACAMOLE

Cutie_Patootie: S T O P

~

Clyde_hhng: WHAT IS A GREEN JUICE

Ken_Bone: I think I saw that on porn hub once

Clyde_hhng: LINK OR IT NEVER HAPPENED

Ken_Bone: ;))))

 

~

 

Leo: h

Toke: what

Leo: w

Filthy_Jew: is he okay

Toke: I don’t think so

Leo: it’s just that

Toke: take your time

Leo: h e

Filthy_Jew: I’m listening

Leo: fell asleep on me

Toke: wha

Leo: he looks so PEACEFUL I’M CRYIN

Filthy_Jew: Idk where y’all are

Toke: me neither

Filthy_Jew: I’m next for a bong hit Token go find them

Toke: omw

Leo: he’s snoring so softly I’m in tears what the fuck

Toke: OMG HES RIGHT

Filthy_Jew: PICS OR IT NEVER HAPPENED

<Toke sent an [image](https://prnt.sc/hleqhx)>

Filthy_Jew: AAAAAAA

Cutie_Patootie: I have risen from the dead to say that I never realized how cute Kenny is

Cutie_Patootie: don’t tell him I said that

Toke: AAAAAA

Leo: AAAAAAAAA

Cartmans_Back_Baby: y’all gay af

Space_Boy: tWEEK IS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR

 

Jim_Jams: This was a terrible idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to pour all of my ideas into this one so expect for hilarity to ensue  
> don't mind the crappy drawin I did  
> I just rlly love my boys!!!


	13. Just because it's longer, doesn't mean it has a better plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I ??????
> 
> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER  
> I GOT REALLY EDGY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK
> 
> this is like ?? i compilation of half a week worth of content
> 
> y'all should give me some ideas too ;))  
> because I like having y'all be apart of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big plan: Adding Douche-bag/new kid !!!  
> :DD  
> I've been meaning to add him for quite a while 
> 
> also this one is a good bit longer
> 
>  
> 
> I Love Clyde  
> He's probs my fave tbhh  
> Clyde and I are basically the same person  
> Stupid, unloved, crybabies BD

 

Cartmans_Back_Baby: we literally haven’t talked at all since Saturday what the fuck

Filthy_Jew: I still have a fucking hangover

Cutie_Patootie: alcohol is a depressant

Cutie_Patootie: I am a depressed ant

Cutie_Patootie: wait

Filthy_Jew: wh

Cutie_Patootie: remind me to stick with weed next time

Filthy_Jew: you had 1 beer

Cutie_Patootie: too much alcohol

Filthy_Jew: don’t kys plz

Cutie_Patootie: no promises

Cartmans_Back_Baby: jesus Christ

 

~

 

Toke: that was the most fun I’ve had in a while

Toke: EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I’M FUCKING GROUNDED

Filthy_Jew: shit did they find out about the weed and alcohol

Toke: NO JUST THE FUCKING MESS YOU GUYS LEFT BEHIND

Space_Boy: HEY FUCK YOU I STAYED AND HELPED

Toke: yea you did thanks

Space_Boy: aw yea man no probs dude

Clyde_hhng: I’M PRETTY SURE MY MOM KNOWS I SMOKED A WEED AND I’M SCREAMIN

Space_Boy: “Smoked a weed”

Toke: “Smoked a weed”

Filthy_Jew: “Smoked a weed”

Cartmans_Back_Baby: “Smoked a weed”

Clyde_hhng: THIS IS SERIOUS GUYS

Cutie_Patootie: “Smoked a weed”

Clyde_hhng: fUCK YALL

<Clyde_hhng went offline>

Coffee_Bean: “Smoked a weed”

Space_Boy: he’s crying and yelling in the boys bathroom

Cartmans_Back_Baby: which one

Space_Boy: lunch room

Toke: I can hear him all the way across the cafeteria

Cartmans_Back_Baby: holy shit dude

Cartmans_Back_Baby: he’s wailing

Filthy_Jew: YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MAKE ME LAUGH

Filthy_Jew: I’M IN ENGLISH AND WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SOME REALLY IMPORTANT DUDE THAT DIED AND WENDY IS BEING VVV SERIOUS ABOUT IT AND I’M GONNA GET MY ASS KICKED IF I LAUGH

Toke: would you like red or yellow flowers at your funeral?

Filthy_Jew: DEEP PINK

Filthy_Jew: IT SIGNAFIES GRATITUDE AND APRECIATION

Cartmans_Back_Baby: that’s the most girly thing I’ve ever heard

Cartmans_Back_Baby: Heidi doesn’t even know what rose colours signify and she knows a bunch of useless shit like that

Filthy_Jew: WENDY IS GLARING AT ME HARDCORE

Filthy_Jew: AAAAAA I’M SO DEAD

Cutie_Patootie: rip

Cutie_Patootie: I’ll make sure they have chicken waffles at your funeral

Filthy_Jew: THA N K S

Ken_Bone: THIS IS NOT BEPiS

Ken_Bone: U N D E F I N E D

Filthy_Jew: I’M D E A D

Filthy_Jew: WENDY JUST SMACKED ME

Filthy_Jew: I’M BEING SENT TO THE OFFICE

Space_Boy: Welp boys I guess I’m the last one who will ever see him again

Cartmans_Back_Baby: I don’t understand how you’re always in the office

Space_Boy: me neither tbh

Coffee_Bean: Craig can you help me with my physics homework

Coffee_Bean: I know you’re good at physics

Space_Boy: sure thing babe

Space_Boy: it’s difficult stuff

Coffee_Bean: that’s for sure

Filthy_Jew: henlo cregg

<Coffee_Bean changed Space_Boy’s name to cregg>

cregg: henlo you stinky jew

Filthy_Jew: henlo you stinky homo

cregg: you just insulted yourself

Filthy_Jew: oh yea

Filthy_Jew: huh

Cutie_Patootie: so I called the funeral service and they said that it’s gonna cost like $20,000 for a nice funeral

Cutie_Patootie: Kenny?

Ken_Bone: yeet

Cutie_Patootie: you’re gonna have to build a casket

Cutie_Patootie: I’ll help you dig the hole

Ken_Bone: ight

Ken_Bone: how am I getting paid?

Cutie_Patootie: $20?

Ken_Patootie: and a bj

Cutie_Patootie: yea yea yea whatever

Filthy_Jew: I’m actually afraid now

Filthy_Jew: y’all need to stop talking about me dying like plz jfc

Filthy_Jew: it’s nice to know y’all have a plan for me but jesus

Filthy_Jew: y’all takin it a step too far

 

~

 

Coffee_Bean: NET NEUTRALITY IS GOING AWAY AAAAA

Coffee_Bean: DON’T FORGET TO SIGN GUYS [https://www.change.org/p/save-net-neutrality-netneutrality?recruiter=840740713&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial.combo_new_control_progress_110217winners&pt=AVBldGl0aW9uABIRswAAAAAAWi9mmncfdEM1NTYwZmYzOA%3D%3D](https://www.change.org/p/save-net-neutrality-netneutrality?recruiter=840740713&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial.combo_new_control_progress_110217winners&pt=AVBldGl0aW9uABIRswAAAAAAWi9mmncfdEM1NTYwZmYzOA%3D%3D)

cregg: tweek calm down it’s going to be alright

cregg: I trust that my congressmen will understand that it’s government control

cregg: which is basically just communism in disguise

Toke: yea I’m with Craig on this one

cregg: I’ll talk you through it after school

cregg: don’t worry babe, everything’s gonna work out

 

 

~

 

Cartmans_Back_Baby: I think the fact that I’m afraid to go into the boy’s bathroom just shows how disgusting you guys are

Filthy_Jew: whatever fuck wad, at least we have sex

Cartmans_Back_Baby: yea

Cartmans_Back_Baby: IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM

Cartmans_Back_Baby: WHICH IS DISGUSTING

Filthy_Jew: >:P

 

~

 

Ken_Bone: Why am I like this

Cutie_Patootie: Because.

Ken_Bone: I got in trouble for nothing???

Cutie_Patootie: oh yea

Filthy_Jew: sorry not sorry

Ken_Bone: god dammit you guys

Ken_Bone: I’m not your scape goat

Cutie_Patootie: yea you kinda are

Filthy_Jew: lmao

Cartmans_Back_Baby: rip Kenny

Ken_Bone: I hate you all

 

~

 

Toke: wait is Butters dead

Filthy_Jew: ?

Toke: I haven’t seen him in the chat forever

Ken_Bone: Cuz it’s nine in the afternoon

Leo: and your eyes are the size of the moon

Toke: oh there you are

Leo: soz! I was doing homework

Cutie_Patootie: “Homework”

Ken_Bone: oh is that my nickname now?

Leo: hUSH

Cutie_Patootie: god damn

Filthy_Jew: I can relate

Leo: I’m grounded aaaa

Toke: dare I even ask why

Leo: I forgot to study for my history test on Thursday

Toke: oh thank god

Toke: I was preparing my eyes for s i n

Leo: he STILL hasn’t found out about why Ken spends so much time around me

Leo: or maybe he did?

Leo: maybe he’s got a soft spot for closeted gays

Ken_Bone: probably tbh

Ken_Bone: aLSO

Ken_Bone: wendy!!! Gave me some stuff!! I think you’ll like!!

Leo: omg

Leo: !!!

Filthy_Jew: y’all I can’t tell if they’re being sinful or pure and I’m a little scared

Cutie_Patootie: same tbh

Coffee_Bean: oh! I’ve got The Item for you Butters!!

Leo: !!

Ken_Bone: !!!!!!

Ken_Bone: y’all might want to start planning my funereal

Leo: or mine

Leo: my dad would murder me if he saw

Filthy_Jew: OKAY IT’S KILLING ME

Filthy_Jew: JUST TELL ME IF IT’S SIN OR NOT SO I CAN STOP FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE

Ken_Bone: It is Pure

Leo: P u r e

Coffee_Bean: yea guys don’t worry lmao

Coffee_Bean: you’ll see the finished product at the school dance next month

Jim_Jams: this is getting juicy

Cutie_Patootie: you fuckin lurker

Jim_Jams: don’t hate the player, hate the game

Filthy_Jew: I’m a bit worried, but also a bit excited to see what all of this shit is about??

Filthy_Jew: I mean, knowing Butters dad, it could be something really simple and dumb

Filthy_Jew: but it sounds p juicy??

Cutie_Patootie: not as juicy as your booty

Clyde_hhng: what

Jim_Jams: what

Cartmans_Back_Baby: what

Ken_Bone: what

Leo: what

Coffee_Bean: what

cregg: what

Toke: what

Cutie_Patootie: god dammit nvrmnd

Cutie_Patootie: frick y’all

 

~

 

Cutie_Patootie: wait I’m the only one who’s been here since like

Cutie_Patootie: the beginning

Cutie_Patootie: and I’m the only one with the user handle I started out with

Clyde_hhng: woah

Cylde_hhng: I’d change it but my admin controls are like BEPiS

Cylde_hhng: U N D E F I N E D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the BEPiS thing is from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FOrfPpnhFI
> 
> .  
> Writing a south park fanfic over winter break!  
> Need help choosing a ship  
> do the poll below!! <33  
> http://www.strawpoll.me/14600561  
> It's friends to lovers and full of roses and sappy babes  
> I'll choose next monday on which ship I'll do it on


	14. AA FUCK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS OLD AND LIKE 5 WORDS LONG WHAT THE F U C K

<Cutie_Patootie changed his name to Ugly_Duckling>

Ugly_Duckling: WINTER BREAK

Ugly_Duckling: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Cartmans_Christmas: FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Filthy_Jew: HANUKKAH

Ugly_Duckling: HANUKKAH

Cartmans_Christmas: yuck

Filthy_Jew: F U C K  Y O U

 

~

  
Filthy_Jew: MAOZ TZUR Y'SHUATI

Ugly_Duckling: oh lord

Filthy_Jew: I'CHA NAEH I'SHABEACH

Filthy_Jew: TIKON BEIT T'FILATI

Filthy_Jew: V'SHAM TODAH N'ZABEACH

Cartmans_Christmas: this is exactly why Jews are the scum of the earth

Filthy_Jew: FUCK OFF

 

~

 

Ugly_Duckling: wait

Ugly_Duckling: I saw douchebag at the store today and ???

Ugly_Duckling: did we ever figure out their gender??

Cartmans_Christmas: did it ever matter?

Ugly_Duckling: I mean, I guess not but still

 

~

 

Ugly_Duckling: wait

Ugly_Duckling: @Ken_Bone you chill out with douchebag right?

Ken_Bone: yeet

Ugly_Duckling: what’s their gender ?????

Ken_Bone: that information had not been disclosed

Ugly_Duckling: huh

Ugly_Duckling: invite him to the dance

Ken_Bone: I have a date tho

Ugly_Duckling: no like tell him to tag along

Ken_Bone: fine

 

~

 

<Cartmans_Christmas added Ketchup_Packet to _Cartmans Bitches_>

Ketchup_Packet: w

Cartmans_Christmas: welcome to hell

Ketchup_Packet: H

Ugly_Ducking: yo it’s been forever

Ketchup_Packet: A

Filthy_Jew: you’re homeschooled right?

Ketchup_Packet: T

Ketchup_Packet: affirmative

Filthy_Jew: LUCKY

Ketchup_Packet: indeed

Ken_Bone: h

Ken_Bone: henlo papi OwO

Ketchup_Packet: herro papito UwU

Cartmans_Christmas: w

Cartmans_Christmas: HEWWO

Filthy_Jew: shut up fatass

Cartmans_Christmas: fuck you jew

Ugly_Duckling: wha

~

Ketchup_Packet: papi you should chill at my place

Ken_Bone: but I’m on the other side of town

Ketchup_Packet: too late my mom already made snacks get ur butt over here

Ken_Bone: fine

Ugly_Duckling: are you guys fucking

Ken_Bone: no

Ketchup_Packet: his ass is taken

Ketchup_Packet: I’m good

Ugly_Duckling: somehow I feel like that’s a lie

~

 

Christmas_OwO: WINTER BREAK

Bebe_The_Queen: Y E E T

Red_Riding_Hood: YEET BITCHES

Cartmans_Christmas: when was red ever in this chat

Red_Riding_Hood: I’ve been here for almost a week

Cartmans_Christmas: huh

 

~

Filthy_Jew: I’m bored

Filthy_Jew: the tv is just a bunch of Christmas bullshit

Filthy_Jew: UGHHHHHHHHHH

Ugly_Duckling: you can come to my house

Ugly_Duckling: we have highschool musical

Filthy_Jew: OMW

Cartmans_Christmas: yuck

Ken_Bone: yuck

Cartmans_Christmas: what are you and douchebag doing

Ken_Bone: playing vidya

Cartmans_Christmas: noice

Ken_Bone: I think douchebag’s name is Owen

Cartmans_Christmas: ?

Ken_Bone: their mom called them Owen

~

Ken_Bone: shit

Ken_Bone: their dad called them Gwen???

Ken_Bone: do they even know their own kid’s gender??

Cartmans_Christmas: rip

~

 

Ken_Bone: They prefer Owen but their birth name is Gwen

Ken_Bone: I guess they were born pretty ambiguously

Ken_Bone: or their parents hate them

Ken_Bone: idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry y'all for this being late and unfinished
> 
> Chapter on Christmas  
> Idek when I'll update this next, this is more to get all of my shit post ideas out so it doesn't interfere with my other fics


	15. what is wrong with these kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second chapter today because the last one was dissapointin

Space_Gay: woah

Clyde_hhng: what

Space_Gay: what if we had to raise a kid

Toke: ?

Space_Gay: like the four of us had to raise a kid together I don’t know how to feel about this tbh???

Clyde_hhng: first of all I’d make Jimmy the honorary leader of our child raising cult because this kid would need to have a good sense of humor

Coffee_Bean: I agree

Toke: dude what the actual fuck

Toke: Craig what the fuck are you high on rn

Space_Gay: cold medicine mostly

Coffee_Bean: you worry me

Clyde_hhng: ^^^^^

 

~

 

Cartmans_Christmas: IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS

Ugly_Duckling: Y E E T

Filthy_Jew: I’M FUCKIGN SICK THIS ISN’T FAIR

Wendy_Winter: HE IS D Y I N G

Wendy_Winter: SOMEONE SAVE HIM

Ken_Bone: what the fuck is going on

Wendy_Winter: SO BASICALLY HIS FAMILY L E F T HIM SO THEY COULD GO DO STUFF OUT OF TOWN AND LEFT HIM HERE WITH HALF A BAG OF COUGH DROPS

Wendy_Winter: HE CALLED ME AT 2AM LAST NIGHT S O B B I N G

Ugly_Duckling: FRI NK

Ugly_Duckling: if my family wasn’t fucking suffocating me rn I’d be omw

Ken_Bone: rip

Cartmans_Christmas: Die, Kyle, D I E

Ken_Bone: bruh

~

Leo: Aladdin

Cartmans_Christmas: I’m already afraid

Leo: but the genie is a Jeanie

Leo: he’s completely made of jeans

Ken_Bone: babe no

Leo: and he can only grant jean wishes

Bebe_The_Queen: Jeans

Ken_Bone: babe get over here

Ken_Bone: your phone is now off limits until you are no longer high off your ass

Cartmans_Christmas: why was I not invited

Ken_Bone: because

Leo: we plan to FUCK

Ugly_Duckling: jesus dude

Cartmans_Christmas: TMI

Filthy_Jew: says the one who leaked his own nudes

Cartmans_Christmas: fuck off

~

 

Clyde_hhng: I need an adult

Toke: wha

Clyde_hhng: so bebe and I were just hangin out

Clyde_hhng: you know how us gurls are

Toke: wh

Clyde_hhng: AND SHE FUCKGIND PULLS OUT LEATHER JACKETD SND BLACK KNEE-HIGH HIGH HEELS AND WE’RE DEADASS SLAYIN

Toke: Clyde

Toke: what the actual fuck is wrong with you

Clyde_hhng: a lot of things tbh

Toke: are you okay

Clyde_hhng: tbh no because tweek and craig aren’t responding grr

Toke: they’re probs fucking tbh

Coffee_Bean: yea now shh

Toke: y’all wildin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek anymore


	16. The One's that aren't Straight +The foursome is r e a l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Douchebag/Owen aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAa
> 
>  
> 
> POLY SQUAD AAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They Sin Frequently

Ken_Bone: OKAY SO

Ken_Bone: MOTHERFUCK

Ken_Bone: SO ME AND BUTTERS GOT PAIRED UP FOR AN ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT

Cartmans_Christmas: what psychopath would pair you two up

Ken_Bone: NO CLUE

Ken_Bone: BUT ANYWAY WE WENT TO DOUCHEBAG/OWEN’S PLACE BECAUSE HIS COMPUTER IS NICE

Ken_Bone: AND HE’S SUPER GOOD AND !!SPEEDY AT RESEARCHING

Ken_Bone: SO WE MADE HIM SANDWICHES AND COFFEE AS A THANKS

Ken_Bone: WE RETURN TO HIS ROOM AND HE’S CURLED UP ASLEEP WITH 4 HOURS WORTH OF RESEARCH DONE IN LIKE 7 MINUTES

Wendy_Winter: his he Okay

Ken_Bone: NO

Cartmans_Christmas: why are you doing a research project on Christmas eve

Ken_Bone: DON’T QUESTION ME BITCH

Leo: AND NOW IT’S S N O W I N G

Leo: AND KEN IS C R Y I N G

Ken_Bone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJOIHFEDNALM

Wendy_Winter: y’all worry me

Ugly_Duckling: you guys sound like you’re lowkey in love with douchebag/owen

Bebe_The_Queen: I fuckin ship it

Ugly_Duckling: same tbh

Wendy_Winter: BUT????

Wendy_Winter: Creek/Bunny is OBVIOUSLY THE SUPERIOUR

Bebe_The_Queen: first of all

Bebe_The_Queen: “Creek/Bunny”????

Wendy_Winter: Creek= Craig/Tweek

Wendy_Winter: Bunny= Kenny/Butters

Ken_Bone: I feel like I should be afraid

Bebe_The_Queen: you should

Wendy_Winter: CREEK/BUNNY IS FOREVER BETTER

Leo: I SECOND THAT

Leo: but tbh I wouldn’t mind being super platonically gay with Owen

Ken_Bone: Same

Leo: frick

Ken_Bone: you have the best ideas

Ken_Bone: this is why ilu

Leo: :00

Leo: <333

Ken_Bone: <33

Wendy_Winter: FUCIKGN BUTTERS BACKS ME UP ON THIS

Bebe_The_Queen: I worry

Ugly_Duckling: same

Cartmans_Christmas: why do I have to put up with this

~

<Cartmans_Christmas made a groupchat>

<Cartmans_Christmas added Gay_Space_Alien, Coffee_Bean, Filthy_Jew, Ugly_Duckling, Ken_Bone, Leo, Wendy_Winter, Clyde_hhng, Bebe_The_Queen, and Ketchup_Packet to this groupchat>

<Cartmans_Christmas named this groupchat  _The One’s that aren’t Straight_>

Clyde_hhng: wait

Wendy_Winter: you are not straight, Clyde

Clyde_hhng: yes I am

Gay_Space_Alien: no you aren’t

Clyde_hhng: that was one time

Bebe_The_Queen: W H A T

Clyde_hhng: ONE TIME

Gay_Space_Alien: you LIKED IT

Coffee_Bean: Jesus Christ Craig

Gay_Space_Alien: AM I WRONG

Coffee_Bean: hush

Gay_Space_Alien: /AM I WRONG/

Clyde_hhng: I have been exposed

Clyde_hhng: and I’m angry

Wendy_Winter: are you crying

Clyde_hhng: maybe

Wendy_Winter: don’t worry

Wendy_Winter: you aren’t the only one who’s had an

Wendy_Winter: Encounter

Bebe_The_Queen: is that what you call me

Clyde_hhng: what the fuck

Wendy_Winter: hhhhhhhhhhhhh

Clyde_hhng: why didn’t you invite me

Bebe_The_Queen: SHUSH

Filthy_Jew: why do I have to deal with your Sin

Cartmans_Christmas: because I’m tired of dealing with it.

<Cartmans_Christmas left _The One’s that aren’t Straight_>

Filthy_Jew: I’m too sick for this shit

<Filthy_Jew went offline>

Ugly_Duckling: rip my sick baby boy :(

Ken_Bone: whhhhh

Leo: idk about you but I have a shit ton of pics of Owen sleepin

Ken_Bone: aa same

Ken_Bone: he’s so cute!!

Coffee_Bean: you guys are gross

Clyde_hhng: don’t pretent you don’t come to my house once a week to cry about how cute Craig is

Coffee_Bean: I’VE BEEN EXPO S ED

Gay_Space_Alien: awwwwwwww

Coffee_Bean: <33

Gay_Space_Alien: <3333

Bebe_The_Queen: y’all are so fuckign cute

Bebe_The_Queen: I feel blessed to be in this group chat

Ugly_Duckling: same tbh

~

Clyde_hhng: Craig

Gay_Space_Alien: no

Clyde_hhng: BUT CRAAAIIIGG

Gay_Space_Alien: no

Clyde_hhng: BEBE

Bebe_The_Queen: ughguhgguhgh fine

Bebe_The_Queen: I’ll be there in 15

Clyde_hhn: Y E S THANK

~

 

Leo: KEN STOP CRYING

Ken_Bone: I JUST HUDFSNASDJH

Ken_Bone: I JUST REALLY LOVE YOU AND AHFODASNKADS

Leo: oh my g o d

Leo: K E N

Coffee_Bean: jesus dude

Leo: Tweek

Leo: get your bf and get over here

Coffee_Bean: omw

Leo: t h a n k

~

~~_**( <Groupchat: The Foursome>)** _ ~~

Gay_Space_Alien: Kenny

Ken_Bone: faijdoklfnajsdhfiklwaedskn

Gay_Space_Alien: Kenny

Ken_Bone: AOIEKLFSNJ>FKL

Gay_Space_Alien: Kenneth

Ken_Bone: ooo my full name

Gay_Space_Alien: Kenneth

Ken_Bone: yes

Gay_Space_Alien: are you done screaming and crying

Ken_Bone: yea

Gay_Space_Alien: do you wanna talk about it

Ken_Bone: yea

Gay_Space_Alien: then get your cute butt over here

Ken_Bone: <33

Coffee_Bean: gosh you’re cute

Ken_Bone: !!!! <333

Coffee_Bean: <33

~

Leo: Craig

Gay_Space_Alien: yea

Leo: thank you

Gay_Space_Alien: no problem

..

Gay_Space_Alien: did you just kiss me

Leo: maybe

Coffee_Bean: kiss me too you frick

Leo: :00

Coffee_Bean: your lips are really soft

Leo: jsfdihois

Gay_Space_Alien: they taste like pomegranate

Leo: afsdjknmasd

Coffee_Bean: OMG DID YOU JUST H E A R THAT

Gay_Space_Alien: HIS S N O R E

Leo: SO SOFT AND SMALL

Coffee_Bean: aaaaaaaaa

~

Coffee_Bean: I love you guys

Leo: <333

Leo: lets sleep now

Coffee_Bean: <33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenny had a mental breakdown and I'm crying about it  
> he doesn't deserve this  
> why am I doing this to him


	17. Christmas special thatd ef isn't late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they s i n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do the (>Groupchat: The Foursome<) just as a lil reminder that it's a private group chat that is separate from cartman and his dirty sausage fingers >:((

(<Groupchat: The Foursome>)

Leo: SAVE ME

Coffee_Bean: omg what

Leo: someone fucgkdn SPIKED the EGGNOG

Gay_Space_Alien: HOLY SHIT

Leo: KEN IS SO DRUNK

Leo: LORD FORGIVE HIM FOR HE HAS  S I N N E D

Coffee_Bean: OMG 4 minutes to Christmas

Gay_For_Space: aaaaa

Ken_Bone: ajofdslknmas

Coffee_Bean: good  l o r d

Ken_Bone:  ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Leo: WHERE ARE YOU

Ken_Bone: yuor ropm

Gay_For_Space: he d r u n k

Ken_Bone: hHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Leo: OMW

Ken_Bone: ;)))))

Leo: nO

Ken_Bone: ;;;))))))))

Leo: N O

Ken_Bone: come sUCC

Leo: I will diSOWN YOU

Ken_Bone: ;’((((((

Gay_For_Space: MERRY CHRISTMAS

Coffee_Bean: now we have a whole week where santa doesn’t track how naughty we are ;))

Gay_For_Space: ;))

Leo: oH

Leo: is that why you guys didn’t come to this S I C C party?

Coffee_Bean: maaayyybbeeeee

Leo: frink

Leo: you should’ve invited me >;((

Coffee_Bean: later this week…

Coffee_Bean: You’ll be weak ;;;)))))))))

Leo: oH

Ken_Bone: >;((( mE 2 !!

Coffee_Bean: yes you too ;))

Ken_Bone: ;))

Gay_For_Space: gET OFF YOUR PHONE WE ARE S I N N I N G

Coffee_Bean: H

Leo: R E P E N T

 

 

~

 

Cartmans_Christmas: Y E S

Ugly_Duckling: CHRISTMAS

Wendy_Winter: F U N K  Y E E E E E

Jim_Jams: WHAT DID YOU GUYS GET

Jim_Jams: I GOT A RLLY FANCY VR

Ugly_Duckling: DUDE

Ugly_Duckling: I got a mother fuckginh pair of socks and some chocolate

Jim_Jams: Rip forever

Cartmans_Christmas: I GOT THE VIDEO GAME I WANTED FUCK YEA

Wendy_Winter: I’m still really fucked up for that fuckign eggnog at the Stotch’s

Bebe_The_Winter_Queen: same tbh??

Red_Riding_Hood: Did you fukcinh see mr. stotch????

Wendy_Winter: I’m still LMAOing about it

Toke: it was fucking WILD

 

~

 

(>Groupchat: The Foursome<)

 

Leo: lord forgive me for I have sinned

Ken_Bone: I woke up and the first thing I remember

Ken_Bone: is SIN

Ken_Bone: I had to take a cold fucking shower to CLENSE

Ken_Bone: now I’m watching Karen open her present and she’s so !!! :0000 !!!!

Leo: I love her so much

Ken_Bone: FUGKGN SAME

Gay_Space_Alien: Same

Coffee_Bean: same

..

Ken_Bone: I’m LMAOing so hard rn

Ken_Bone: Leo is fUckign WADDLING around

Leo: oH HUSH

Gay_Space_Alien: so is Tweek tbh

Coffee_Bean: WE SINNED FOR TOO LONG

Leo: rEPENT

Leo: TOO MUCH SIN

Leo: R E P E N T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DEADASS FORGOT TO UPLOAD THIS


	18. Lowkey based off what's going on with me rn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so far behind in school work tf  
> save me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I crave death
> 
> oh  
> also
> 
> Cartman's username is based off the (not funny) meme "Mans not hot"  
> ha I'm hip with the meemeez

Filthy_Jew: ugh math test tomorrow

Filthy_Jew: I stg if the teacher gives me a B- again I’m going to shoot someone

Ugly_Duckling: WAIT

Ugly_Duckling: THERE’S A MATH TEST TOMORROW

Ugly_Duckling: I THOUGHT IT WAS ON MONDAY

Ugly_Duckling: I HAVE NOT PAID ANY ATTENTION IN CLASS

Ugly_Duckling: I WAS GOING TO DO A KHAN ACADEMY BINGE OVER THE WEEKEND

Filthy_Jew: you fucked up my man

Ugly_Duckling: OH GOD

Ugly_Duckling: THERES 32 THINGS I NEED TO WATCH ON KHAN ACADEMY TO MASTER THIS LESSON

Filthy_Jew: Godspeed, love

Ugly_Duckling: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

~

CartMans_Not_Hot: holy shit rip stan

Ugly_Duckling: I’M ACTUALLY FUCKING SOBBING

Ugly_Duckling: I’M IN THE NURSES OFFICE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AHAHAHAHAHA

Filthy_Jew: jesus man

Ugly_Duckling: I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO HOME EARLY

Ugly_Duckling: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ken_Bone: save him

Ugly_Duckling: wait

Ugly_Duckling: SHIT I ALSO HAVE TO WATCH LIKE 5 MORE VIDEOS BECAUSE I NEVER UNDERSTOOD GROWTH AND DECAY FORMULAS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ugly_Duckling: I STILL HAVEN’T TURNED IN MY TEST CORRECTIONS FOR THE LAST MATH TEST I FAILED

Ugly_Duckling: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR PROCRASTINATING

Ugly_Duckling: E V E R Y T I M E

Filthy_Jew: holy shit

Ken_Bone: you’re a mess

Ugly_Duckling: I CRAVE DEATH

 

~

 

CartMans_Not_Hot: wait

CartMans_Not_Hot: is there a way to get away with mass man slaughter

Ken_Bone: dude

Ken_Bone: I don’t know what you’re planning

Ken_Bone: but I just want you to know

Ken_Bone: I am very against whatever you’re plotting and want no part of it

CartMans_Not_Hot: awe damn :(

Filthy_Jew: gonna have to agree with Kenny on this one

CartMans_Not_Hot: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I NEED AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION

Filthy_Jew: shut up you anti-semitic fatass

CartMans_Not_Hot: fuck you too jew bitch

Ken_Bone: y’all

 

~

 

Gay_Space_Boy: I diagnose you with dead

Coffee_Bean: I stg

Clyde_hates_this: why am I failing all my classes

Gay_Space_Boy: because you procrastinate to the last minute

Gay_Space_Boy: it’s fucking hilarious to watch you do it to yourself every time tho

Toke: it’s really sad

Toke: like watching someone fuck themselves over and over without them ever knowing it was them the whole time

Toke: only you know what you’re doing is bad

Clyde_hates_this: yo tweek

Clyde_hates_this: I’m going to need a lot of coffee my guy

Clyde_hates_this: finals this month

Clyde_hates_this: you know how it is

Coffee_Bean: jesus Christ

Gay_Space_Boy: a moment of silence for Clyde’s grades

Gay_Space_Boy: now a moment of silence for Tweek having to put up with a Caffeinated Clyde

Toke: that sentence gave me chills what the fuck

Gay_Space_Boy: yea same

Coffee_Bean: I

Clyde_hates_this: oh btw I need glasses

Gay_Space_Boy: WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually crying why do I do this to myself
> 
> Every Time


	19. We're getting older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ken_Bone: my dick hurts  
> CartMans_Not_Hot: tmi dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this instead of studying

Filthy_Jew: my fuckgin arms hurt so much and I’m confused as to why

Ugly_Duckling: my head hurts

CartMans_Not_Hot: my back hurts

Clyde_Grr: my eyes hurt

Space_Gay: my feet hurt

Coffee_Bean: my throat hurts

Clyde_Grr: hwat

Toke: my hands hurt??

Toke: I regret punching a wall

Wendy_Hng: CRAMPS

Red_Riding_Hood: HAH

Red_Riding_Hood: I TOLD YOU IT’D HAPPEN

Wendy_Hng: THIS IS UNBEARABLE

<Wendy_Hng changed their name to OW_OOF_OUCH>

OW_OOF_OUCH: I KNOW YOU TOLD ME BUT I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS

Filthy_Jew: we’re getting older

Ugly_Duckling: OW OOF OUCH MY FEELINGS

Clyde_Grr: IS NO ONE GOING TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT TWEEK SAID

Filthy_Jew: what the fuck is wrong with Wendy

OW_OOF_OUCH: SO I WAS UNAWARE AS TO HOW TERRIBLE PERIOD CRAMPS WERE

OW_OOF_OUCH: I NEVER REALLY HAD THEM BEFORE

OW_OOF_OUCH: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Filthy_Jew: fucking rip

Ugly_Duckling: I’ll get you some Stuff after school

Ugly_Duckling: if I fucking survive

Clyde_Grr: I FAILED THE TEST HAHAHAHAHHAHA

Clyde_Grr: I HAVE TO FUCGKNIN DO SUMMER SCHOOL S H I T

Space_Gay: fucking rip

Ken_Bone: My dick hurts

CartMans_Not_Hot: tmi dude

Ken_Bone: well y’all were sharing

Ken_Bone: thought I’d add on

Coffee_Bean: my knees are bruised wtf

Space_Gay: rip

Clyde_Grr: SERIOUSLY NO ONES GOING TO COMMENT ON THAT

Clyde_Grr: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TWEEK

Clyde_Grr: I K N O W OF YOUR S I N

Leo: repent

Space_Gay: repent

Ken_Bone: repent

Coffee_Bean: repent

Leo: in the name of the father

Ken_Bone: the son

Coffee_Bean: and the holy spirit

Space_Gay: amen

~

Space_Gay: so Clyde

Space_Gay: you’re my self-proclaimed BFF

Space_Gay: so you wanna explain

Space_Gay: the glasses thing

Clyde_Grr: uh

Clyde_Grr: idk I was told I need glasses, so I picked some out, and I’m picking them up next Tuesday

Space_Gay: woah

Clyde_Grr: my vision isn’t Terrible but it’s not Good either so oops

Toke: dude

Toke: did you get pussy slaying glasses

Clyde_Grr: fuck yea man

Space_Gay: sick

Coffee_Bean: you guys are such meat heads

Space_Gay: I thought you liked sausage

Clyde_Grr: hA

Toke: I AM SNICKERING

Toke: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE RAPE OF AFRICA

Toke: GOD DAMMIT

Coffee_Bean: ;)

Space_Gay: ;)

Clyde_Grr: y’all are insufferable

 

~

 

(>Groupchat:  The Foursome<)

 

Leo: when you touch Ken’s neck in a Certain Place he sounds a lot like his mom

Ken_Bone: eXCUSE YOU IT’S CALLED A ~TEXAN ACCENT~

Ken_Bone: aND SHHHH

Coffee_Bean: hA

Coffee_Bean: hot

Leo: babe I don’t think the ~ is necessary

Leo: a ~ would suggest something elegant and classy

Leo: like a ~French Accent~

Ken_Bone: I FEEL BETRAYED AND INSULTED

Space_Gay: what the fuck

Leo: we are dirty and Sinful

Leo: God hates us

Coffee_Bean: good thing I don’t care about what god thinks about me

Coffee_Bean: bitch he made me

Coffee_Bean: why he gotta make me gay

Coffee_Bean: I’m his child but I’m given a disadvantage in his eyes

Space_Gay: y’all forgetting one important detail

Space_Gay: the old testament is bullshit

Space_Gay: we’re supposed to listen and follow the new testament

Space_Gay: it’s more ~Godly~

Ken_Bone: yUck

Space_Gay: and less homophobic

Coffee_Bean: indeed

Leo: thankfully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nother chapter of this later


	20. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short  
> but  
> mildly entertaining
> 
> hopefully

(>Groupchat: The ones that aren’t Straight<)

 

Space_Gay: please excuse any incoming texts

Space_Gay: I’m extremely high

Clyde_Grr: go on

Space_Gay: amen

Space_Gay: more like

Space_Gay: Gay-men

Space_Gay: AM I RIGHT

Ken_Bone: no

Leo: yes

Coffee_Bean: yes

Leo: I’m so pebbled rn

Ken_Bone: PEBBLED

Coffee_Bean: I’m concrete

Ken_Bone: HWAT

Coffee_Bean: that sounded funnier in my head

Bebe_Baby: you guys need help

OW_OOF_OUCH: fr

Ken_Bone: oh

Ken_Bone: wendy

Ken_Bone: did ur bois treat you well

OW_OOF_OUCH: fuck yes I love them sm tf

Filthy_Jew: we love you too <333

Ugly_Duckling: <3334

OW_OOF_OUCH: <33323333333 aaa

Clyde_Grr: get you a partner like Kyle n Stan

Leo: H

Space_Gay: what if aliens don’t visit us because they’re afraid of our Sin

Coffee_Bean: makes sense

Coffee_Bean: SAYING AS YOUR HAND IS GOING BELOW THE EQUATOR

Space_Gay: you like it

Coffee_Bean: THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY LESS SINFUL

Ken_Bone: watching this go down irl is fucking beautiful

Leo: they’re so cute

Ken_Bone: and hot

Leo: chote

Ken_Bone: what

Leo: I don’t know

Bebe_Baby: y’all need therapy and jesus

~

OW_OOF_OUCH: Why is fashion so hard

OW_OOF_OUCH: Why is everything like 7 layers of irony shrouded in a hazy 90s aesthetic

OW_OOF_OUCH: I can't do this

Ugly_Duckling: relatable

Bebe_Baby: true

Ken_Bone: smh same gurrrll

OW_OOF_OUCH: hush

~

(>Groupchat: The Foursome<)

Space_Gay: my teeth hurt

Space_Gay: and my ribs

Space_Gay: I need more w e e d

Ken_Bone: coming right up sir

Ken_Bone: cha-ching, that will be two kisses sir

Space_Gay: sweet

Leo: I want in on the kissing

Ken_Bone: of course hun

Coffee_Bean: “Hun”

Space_Gay: “Hun”

Ken_Bone: did butters just pass out

Coffee_Bean: I wish I could fall asleep that easy

Space_Gay: same tbh

Ken_Bone: he’s so cute when he sleeps

Ken_Bone: he’s so cute

Ken_Bone: Always

Coffee_Bean: agreed

Space_Gay: Kenny is the cutest sleeper tho

Ken_Bone: OBJECTION

Space_Gay: disregarded

Ken_Bone: >:^00

Space_Gay: because you’re so ??? as a person

Space_Gay: like anyone who doesn’t know you, probably hasn’t heard you speak

Space_Gay: you’re quiet and keep to yourself

Space_Gay: you’re a disgusting freak but still

Space_Gay: and you’re so ???????

Space_Gay: P U R E

Space_Gay: and CARING

Space_Gay: and when you sleep it’s like P U R E BOI AAA A A A A  AA

Coffee_Bean: yEa

Ken_Bone: :^000

Ken_Bone: I’m so fukingfd tired <33 night xoxoxo ilu ghaufdjkdsn

Coffee_Bean: we’re right in front of you

Ken_Bone: oh yea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuckign rip i'm so tired it's 10pm on a friday why am i like this  
> k night hhh


	21. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the link on "image" is a pic I drew like a month ago because I fucking love clyde sm aaaa

Wendyl: I literally want to murder myself

Filthy_Jew: oh no

Ugly_Duckling: w h y

Wendyl: just gender identity issues and such

Filthy_Jew: aw honey

Wendyl: it’s just difficult and weird and embarrassing

Ken_Bone: man that fucking sucks

Ken_Bone: I’m sorry dude

Wendyl: yea it’s whatever

Wendyl: it just takes time and lots of therapy

Ugly_Duckling: indeed

Wendyl: therapy bros

Ugly_Duckling: y e e t

 

.

 

Space_Gay: how the fuck do you do cube root

Leo: it’s like square root but instead of 2 its 3

Space_Gay: it’s difficult

Leo: yea :(

Leo: good luck hun

Space_Gay: !!

 

.

 

Twerk: how the fucketh do you eat ass

Ken_Bone: well first you gotta understand the term

Twerk: that was a rhetorical question

Ken_Bone: oh

Twerk: were you actually about to give me advice as to how to eat ass

Ken_Bone: maybe

Twerk: you need jesus

Ken_Bone: that’s not what you said last night

Twerk: fuck you

Space_Gay: I’m so proud

 

.

 

Space_Gay: dude

Space_Gay: I’m going to Seattle the first week of summer

Wendyl: what

Twerk: EXCUSE ME W H A T

Space_Gay: yea for some school thingy I signed up for in 6th grade

Ugly_Duckling: oo I’m going too

Space_Gay: I hate airports

Ugly_Duckling: suck it up baby

 

.

 

Clyddddd: wait

Clyddddd: why

Clyddddd: why is my name like this

Ken_Bone: I was high

Ken_Bone: it was funny

Clyddddd: it’s really not

Ken_Bone: fuck you then

Clyddddd: anyway

Clyddddd: I have my glasses

Clyddddd: they look stupid on me, but whatever

Space_Gay: PICS

Clyddddd: alsdkfnkd

<Clyddddd sent an [image](https://prnt.sc/i1inp4)>

Toke: aww

Toke: you look handsome

Space_Gay: no he looks like a dumbass

Toke: shhh

Cartman_Got_Layed: you look like a retarded chicken

Coffee_Bean: I think he looks adorable

Clyddddd: yea but do you think I can pick up chicks with them

Cartman_Got_Layed: I don’t think you can pick up chicks regardless

Leo: your name isn’t even correctly spelt, eric

Leo: you should probably fix that before you go bashing someone else for looking dumb when you are the king of idiocy and ugliness

Leo: also, Ken, could you fix Clyde’s handle, it’s bothering me

Ken_Bone: sure, dear

Cratman_Got_Layed: fuck you

Wendyl: you just

Wendyl: I’m so proud of butters tf

Filthy_Jew: honestly same

Ugly_Duckling: I’m

Ugly_Duckling: p r o u d

Filthy_Jew: well, Kenny, looks like you’re actually a good boyfriend

Ken_Bone: was that ever in question?

Wendyl: yea

Ken_Bone: yea that’s fair

Ugly_Duckling: how many fucking boyfriends do you have now btw

Ken_Bone: like 3

Wendyl: he’s beating us at our own game

Filthy_Jew: I’m actually salty

Ugly_Duckling: same smh

Ken_Bone: git gud

Leo: h

Coffee_Bean: mood

Space_Gay: well, Clyde, you’re officially unfuckable

Space_Gay: which is incredible, saying as you were unfuckable anyhow

Space_Gay: you’re basically making me divide by 0 rn just to fucking insult you

Clyddddd: so stop insulting me

<Ken_Bone changed Clyddddd’s name to Shovel>

Shovel: what the actual fuck

Ken_Bone: whenever I hear the name “Clyde” my mind always goes to a spade

Ken_Bone: but spades are hella fancy and this is south park

Ken_Bone: not England

Wendyl: I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO’S MIND GOES TO SPADE

Ken_Bone: HOLY SHIT YOU TOO

Space_Gay: clyde I think you look decent, you have pretty decent taste in shape, and going with a darker colour definitely was a good choice (it makes your eyes stand out). The shape goes decently well with the shape of your face, and compliments your jawline nicely. Overall, it will definitely take some getting used to, but it suits you

Toke: holy shit

Shovel: i

Shovel: am sobbing

Space_Gay: ik

Space_Gay: I can see you through your window

Shovel: GET IN HERE SO I CSN H U G YOU

Space_Gay: oh lord

Coffee_Bean: godspeed, love

Toke: godspeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took over a goddamn week


	22. Sappy cucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space_Gay: I honestly never thought I’d ever be able to feel these happy fuzzy warm lovey-dovey Feelings
> 
> Space_Gay: or that anyone would ever take the time to Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm soft

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: my hands are cold

Shovel: my dick is cold

Ketchup_Packet: your dick is always cold

Shovel: well fuck you too Owen

Ketchup_Packet: the way you use my name makes me feel like I should feel threatened

Shovel: you should

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: what

Red_Riding_Hood: y’all

Red_Riding_Hood: what the fuck ever happened to Heidi

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: oh yea

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: her parents sent her to this camp thing??? Idek

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: it’s for kids with emotional issues

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: they’re trying to brain wash her back into behaving

Red_Riding_Hood: HOW DID I NEVER KNOW ABOUT THIS

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: idk dude

Wendyl: WHEN IS SHE COMING BACK

Cartman_Won’t_Hesitate_Bitch: idk at the start of February I think

Wendyl: WHAT THE FU CK JFDS

 

.

 

Space_Gay: why do I exist

Ken_Bone: to love us

Leo: y e s

Coffee_Bean: Y E S

Space_Gay: ahfsdikjlmnljfiorwaefffdkc

Space_Gay: sometimes I forget that all 3 of you are literally dating me,,,,

Space_Gay: and that you chose to date me,,,,

Space_Gay: meaning that you actually love me and want me to be happy,,,,,

Ken_Bone: babe

Space_Gay: asljkfmjioeds it’s just so !!!!

Space_Gay: I grew up thinking no one would ever want to date me

Space_Gay: I’m so boring and annoying

Space_Gay: it makes me Feel something

Leo: holy frink

Coffee_Bean: I AM S O B B I N G

Coffee_Bean: PEOPLE ARE STARING

Space_Gay: and you guys are all so nice and warm and soft and you Love Me

Space_Gay: which makes me Love Me

Space_Gay: AND YALL

Space_Gay: I honestly never thought I’d ever be able to feel these happy fuzzy warm lovey-dovey Feelings

Space_Gay: or that anyone would ever take the time to Love Me

Ken_Bone: I’m ffuckckknfdi

Ken_Bone: ANSWER THE DOOR

Ken_Bone: N O W

Space_Gay: andsnfdsndnd I just feel so happy !!! aaa,,,

Coffee_Bean: I GET OFF WORK IN 10 MINUTES I’LL BE THERE ASAP

Leo: I AM R U N N I N G

<Space_Gay went offline>

..

Coffee_Bean: I AM OFF WORK AND RUNNIN

Coffee_Bean: UPDATE ME

Leo: we’re cuddling the shit out of him and he’s so !!!!,,,,!!!,,,!!!,,,

Coffee_Bean: I hate that I know exactly what you’re talking about

Coffee_Bean: lkfsdjioe

Leo: he’s just mumbling a bunch of sappy cute things

Leo: it’s super out of character and I love it aa

Coffee_Bean: aaa I’m Here

Leo: GOOD

 

.

 

Filthy_Jew: waht

Ugly_Duckling: what

Filthy_Jew: I’m listenin Wend gush about you

Ugly_Duckling: !!

Filthy_Jew: she’s so emotional about it

Ugly_Duckling:KSLFNMldzfjioeldzksnv

Filthy_Jew: she just wants you to be happy n sjdfkiodjoSFKDJn

Ugly_Duckling: IOEWDAKLSNM!!!!!!!!!!

Shovel: that’s gay and so fucking cute

Ugly_Duckling: hush

Filthy_Jew: stan you better be on your way because my heart can’t handle this for much longer

Ugly_Duckling: I AM S P R I N T I N G OUT OF WORK

Shovel: relationship goals

Ketchup_Packet: tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might upload another chapter later lmao i have i d e a s


	23. Is this even a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't even a chapter i don't think
> 
> i'm super fucking tired oops

Shovel: why the fuck

Shovel: I am in pain

Ketchup_Packet: big mood

Shovel: the death glare that Craig shot me

Shovel: it h u r t s

Ketchup_Packet: o o f

Shovel: why does this always happen to me

~

Space_Gay: T W E E K

Space_Gay: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ken_Bone: hwta

Space_Gay: HE LOOKS PATHETIC

Space_Gay: HE IS M I S E R A B L E

Leo: WHAT

Space_Gay: hE’S GOT A FEVER OF LIKE 200000000000°

Space_Gay: well actually it’s 102° but still

Space_Gay: AAAAAAAAAAKNLDFSJIWEADSZOZSMXC

Ken_Bone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Leo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIUFIDYUSJOKLM

<Ken_Bone changed his name to HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING>

<HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING changed the groupchat name from _Gay And In Love_ to _P A N I C_>

HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING: AKLJSDZFMNEAIROWJDZKLFSMXC

Leo: SAVE HIM

Space_Gay: hES CURLED UP IN BLANKETS AND S L E E P I N G

Space_Gay: NOT THE GOOD KIND OF SLEEPING THOUGH

Space_Gay: HE LOOKS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING: I’D COME OVER BUT I CAN’T RISK IT JASDJDFSJADFSJFDS

Space_Gay: UNDERSTOOD AND FORGIVEN

Leo: I WISH I COULD HELP AAAA A A A A A A

Space_Gay: AAAKLSKDMJAKLSAFDSZ AA AAAA AA A AA A A AA A A  A  A   A

 

~

 

Coffee_Bean: I feel like g a r b a g e

Coffee_Bean: my head hurts so bad rn I want to sob

<Coffee_Bean changed his name to Coffee_Grounds>

Space_Gay: I’m getting the medicine sweetheart don’t worry

Coffee_Grounds: feskldnsjlkfemdkfsx

Coffee_Grounds: I’m going to pass out but just know ilu all sm ajjasdkfdnafjzkdsnx

HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING: jeklwfdzisojearwdzklfnx !!!!!!!!

Leo: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333333

HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING: <33333333333333

Coffee_Grounds: <333333333333333333333333

Space_Gay: <33333333333333333333333333

Space_Gay: now take the gross grape flavoured ooze

Coffee_Grounds: y u c k™

Leo: I  L i k e the grape stuff

HIGH_PITCHED_SCREAMING: Y U C K

Leo: I feel betrayed

Coffee_Grounds: this is actual hell

 

~

 

Shovel: how do I tell my therapist that I’m retarded

Toke: I think she already knows

Shovel: shit you right

 

~

 

Bro: how to disown your friend

Bro: oh wait this isn’t google

Stan_The_Man: B U R N

Shopping_Cart: how to resurrect hitler

Shopping_Cart: oh wait this isn’t google

Bro: I could taste the sarcasm in that

Shopping_Cart: does it taste good?

Bro: you wish fatass

Shopping_Cart: AY

Shopping_Cart: FUCK YOU YOU JEW ASS BITCH

Wendh: aaaand there he goes again

Stan_The_Man: good ol classic cartman

Ketchup_Packet: H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to write a chapter for my other fic and now i'm screaming
> 
> IT'S WEDNESDAY ALREADY F U C K


End file.
